Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
We all deserve a life of joy and fulfillment, but for many of us that joy feels elusive. We've checked off all the boxes and done all the the things that the blueprint of life says should make us happy, and yet - no joy. Turns out, being happy isn't about following society's blueprint, but about creating our own blueprint for what we want out of our lives and taking action to make that happen. For us to embrace that opportunity, we first have to let go of other people prescriptions for our life choices, and build trust in our own inner compasses. That journey was hard and long for me, but it doesn't have to be. Join me as we explore and build an exciting future based on what YOU want, and how YOU feel inside, unlock a life of joy and fulfillment, and release yourself of the guilt of not enough.
Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
Creating Authentic Belonging with the Passionista's project with Amy & Nancy Harrington
In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, I sit down with Amy and Nancy Harrington, the dynamic sister duo behind The Passionistas Project. We dive into their journey from careers in entertainment to creating a global movement centered on sisterhood, inclusion, and empowerment. Critical conversations in a time where inclusion is on the chopping block threatening so many of our safe spaces.
The Harringtons share how their close-knit bond became the foundation for building an intentional community where women—especially those from marginalized backgrounds—can connect, grow, and feel heard. From their early days of celebrity interviews to launching a subscription box, a podcast, and a thriving online sisterhood, they’ve remained committed to amplifying the voices of women making an impact.
Together, we explore topics like breaking generational cycles, finding authentic connections, and creating spaces where vulnerability and support are celebrated. Get ready to laugh, cry, and feel deeply inspired by their incredible story and the movement they’re building.
Join us and discover the power of sisterhood, and learn about the community that I dove into during the first week of the new administration, as I felt past traumas come to light, and desperately needed a place to go where I would feel safe. Let this podcast be a beacon to help you find us and the opportunities and space that the sisters have created.
CONNECT WITH ME MORE AT:
http://www.stopshoulding.me
https://www.instagram.com/minessa.konecky/
🎵 Thank you to Karacter for allowing me to use Telepathy (2005) in my intro.
This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
👉 Check it out: https://karacter.bandcamp.com/album/karacter
Hello, hello and welcome to the Stop Shitting All Over Yourself podcast with me, your host, Vanessa Konakie. We're on episode 94 and today I have a real treat for you. We have not one but two guests, Amy and Nancy Harrington. Now, I am really excited to have them on because they have created a community called The Passionistas, which in a very short period of time has created an enormous amount of change and impact in my life. You'll learn from talking with them that their passion is to create a community or a space where people truly feel like they belong, regardless of what their experiences are, their backgrounds are, whether they have darker skin or lighter skin, whether they're gay or straight. How do you create a space that is actually truly safe and creates a feeling of belonging? And that is not an easy thing to do. It's very easy for people to say that, this is a safe space or this is a space where you bring people together. But it's a very different thing for someone to actually be able to create a community that does just that, where the community members also feel that this is a safe space for where they can engage and share incredibly vulnerable and difficult experiences that they're having. And how do they and feel safe leveraging that community for support? for guidance, for resources, for direction. Anyone can say the words that this is the space. mean, every company in the world says, this is a safe space. But I have very rarely been in spaces where I truly believed that the community feels that same level of safety and community that's in there. And they are very, very adept at not just growing the community, expanding it, but also leading it by example. by creating and by being vulnerable and by creating safety and fences around it. So what's really great about having these two on is one is I'm hoping that listeners who are looking for a community space where, because it's hard to find community and it's also hard to build community, right? So building community is hard and finding community is hard. They've taken the guesswork out of that part because they've got the space, they've created the environment, they've created the safety. And then it's up to each of us individually to go in and say, okay, this is a space for me, this is not a space for me. from being a part of this group, have actually, I have, we have multiple guests from the community in there. Dr. Melissa Bird is coming. We heard from Julie already. And then one of my coaches, Safiana Luna, she is also from this community. So I found that it actually walks the walk and talks the talk. So I'm really looking forward to hearing one, what your experience of this podcast is after you listen to it. And then two, I'd love to see you join the group, see you in there, but also learn a little bit more, like, and feel free to like put it in the comments or even send me an email to let me know sort of what challenges you feel that you're facing in building community because ultimately, or finding community, because ultimately that's sort of what it's all about in terms of creating emotional safety is having a place that you feel like you can go to, a place to call. Cheers, where everyone knows your name and you feel safe in there. So without further ado, I'm going to let us listen in to Amy and Nancy Harrington, our podcast, specifically talking about creating authentic belonging. let's listen in. Sisters, welcome. I'm so happy to have you on the podcast. Stop shitting all over yourself. I want to just share with everyone that one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on the podcast is because when we met, which I'll be honest, the universe puts people in my path. And I know someone introduced us and someone introduced us, but in the end we just become one big family. And I feel like I've always known you is that We talked in our original conversation, I'd love for you to share a little bit more about this, about finding places where women feel safe to hang out, talk about things that are important to them. So I'm curious to know, sisters, passionistas, for my listeners and our friends, how did this passionistas idea come to be and like, what was the inspiration for it? Well, how much time do you have? Short answer, right? got like three minutes, 30 seconds. Go. 30 seconds. The answer is we have done all sorts of crazy, crazy things in our lives. were in entertainment and a long career. was kidding. It doesn't have to be 30 seconds. could be as long as you want. I've already wasted. no, no, no. was kidding. was totally kidding. All right. The shorter answer is, yeah, we had careers in entertainment. We both wanted to leave our careers at the same time. So we set off on a journey of not knowing exactly where we wanted to go, but knowing we wanted to do it together because we trusted each other more than anyone else in the world. And we knew that was the most important thing. And we ended up in the world of celebrity interviewing, which was a blast. We had so much fun, especially doing it together, interviewing all these people that we watched on television. So like you two are sisters interviewing people like, know, and, my God, what fun. for example, loves interview being interviewed by sisters. It's just so fun. So we, we did that for years and years and years, and we still do it occasionally and we love it, but we felt like we wanted to do something more impactful. So we started a podcast to shine a spotlight on women that didn't get their stories told and to help share. their stories. And so we started the podcast and that sort of escalated into a subscription box full of products by women owned businesses. And that turned into a women's equality summit during COVID, which was a global three day event. we just kept doing all these crazy ideas we had that put themselves in front of us. And finally, someone said to us, you're driving down the road while you're looking at the map, pull over, make a plan. figure out where you're going and then get back on the road. So we did that last year and we rebranded and we really thought about what our audience needed. And what we kept hearing over and over and over from women was, I wish I had what you guys have, you know, that undying support, that loyalty, that friendship, the fun, the, you know, someone to listen to you and bounce ideas off of. And we were like, what? We can give them that. You know, we did this whole exercise for months. What are your four key words? And we kept coming up with all these things and we weren't landing on the right word. And finally we realized sisterhood. Sisterhood is the word. Sisterhood is our secret sauce. Sisterhood is our magic. And so we created this online community for women who can come and be part of our sisterhood. And we welcome Literally figuratively and literally welcome every single one of them into our sisterhood and it's a place where women can come and be their authentic selves and share their wins and their losses and their struggles and Support one another and get resources and education and things like that But mostly it's a place where they can just come and be themselves and get support So actually wanted to ask because that's what you mentioned something really important You mentioned that they asked they said that they wanted to have sort of what you had, right? And so my sister and I are also really, really close. And there is something, you know, I often say that she and I are greater than the sum of our parts. So like there's me and there's Saira, but then there is something else that is created when we are in the same space together, right? And we're working on something together in synergy and in unity. And do you find that when you two are apart, there's like there's Nancy and there's Amy. And then like when Nancy and Amy come together, there's like a third creature that gets born. Yeah, Amy Nan. Our niece used to call us, Amy Nunn? Amy Nunn? Yeah, absolutely. And it's funny, we used to joke about this, but we would do red carpet events, do interviews on a red carpet, and the publicist knew us as a team. And if we walked up to the publicist alone, they'd be like, I don't know who you are. then Nancy would walk up beside me and it would be like, hi guys, how you doing? my gosh, that's so funny. It's weird, like we just, there's a strength to our presence. I mean, we're both shy and introverted in a lot of ways. So it gives us the strength of being a team. we always know, Nancy and I used to go to networking things and we would stand at cocktail tables and be like, I'm afraid to talk to anybody. So I'm gonna say, I'm gonna talk to you and you're gonna pretend that I'm saying something funny right now. And we're gonna have this conversation so that we don't look awkward and like we're not networking. We just have this strength in numbers, because we're always two. And we just, yeah, I'm a better person when Nancy's around and I think she's a better person when I'm around. even if we don't see each other for two weeks, which is rare, if she leaves town, I feel like. a part of me is gone and it's inexplicable but she's out of my radius and it's like, something's missing, something's missing. Some might call that codependent. I like to think of it as beautiful, a beautiful connection that not many people can understand because we've always had each other and we just enhance each other in a way that I think the only other people are like people like you who have that family, that sister connection. And I can't even imagine the intensity of like being a twin. Cause if you're not twins. And I always think, God, if this isn't what being a twin feels like, what is that connection like? Yeah. I was just watching that. Kelly and what's his face yesterday. I went to get an extra on my foot and they had that on the show and it was Kelly and they had the wrestling twins, Nikki and Bree and like. And they were having that conversation. Was it really interesting? I'm gonna tell you. So this was kind of interesting, right? So Kelly asks, she says, so do your kids, are they similar? Right? And so Nikki says, yeah, our kids are, wait, Bree says, our kids are totally similar. And as Nikki says, no, they're not the same at all. So that was really kind of funny. And then they kind of like backtrack to kind of like meet, yeah, we totally agree because we're twins. But that was actually really funny because they actually did not agree initially. And I was like, Ooh, this is so interesting. I know right. We very very rarely disagree. It's it's crazy and we can probably count on our hands the number of times we've had like blowout arguments and usually they involve us being hangry on vacation. Yes. Sire and I do this thing where we're like if you we get to this point and so like we'll say do you just need to fight? Like is that what you're just, do you just need to get that out? Like, cause sometimes you kind of just need to let the release out and do the fighting. And then you're like, and like, can't really do that. Like you can't do that with your spouse, right? Cause like that's like, that just doesn't work. No, no. So now like, know, when you think about it, do you want it to develop that kind of community? And what's interesting is, you know, over the course of the last few weeks, I've had an opportunity to meet people in your community and they say the same thing, right? So this is like, it's not like, it's not. only that your intention was to do this, but you've really built this space. And I'm curious to know, like, as you were building this community, because having built my own, I know it is not easy, because like, it's not easy to not just build, but make sure that what you want to have happen in the space is happening in the space. So, you know, as you were doing this, I'd love to hear a little bit more about like the kind of thought that you put into like the people that you made, like Melissa Bird, they had of their own sections and putting so tell me a little bit more about how you navigated that space of creating peer leaders within the space? Well, I think one of the most important things for us is that it's an inclusive space and that it's a diverse space because I think so many of these kinds of spaces aren't. And it's one of our key tenets is to serve women in marginalized communities. So I think it was intentional to go out and find women from various communities to be part of our group. And I think that instantly sets the tone because everyone feels welcome. So yeah, our power passionistas are Dr. Melissa Bird, who is a Native American clairvoyant Christian witch. So that pretty much covers everything right there. But if you need additional diversity in the community, we have Crystal Lenise Walker, who is a DEI expert. We have Selena Luna, who's a disability rights activists. have Julie DeLuca Collins, who is a business coach from the Latina community. So we just, you know, everyone in our community represents somebody who represents real people and you know, the people we want in our community. So I think I did that answer your question. I think that's where we started from. Yeah. I also have to say we intentionally brought in people who were When we built the community, we didn't want it just to be a business networking space, right? We wanted it to be business networking, but also personal growth and social impact. And one of the things that Nancy and I realized as we were going through this rebranding exercise was like, okay, this is what makes us different is we're sisters. What makes the women in our community different? And we realized that every single one of them, when you have a conversation with them, The first thing they say to you is, how can I support you? What can I do for you? And it's like, we called you to see how we could support you. Like we didn't call to ask you for something, but every single one of them comes from a place of what can I give back? Whether they come to our community for, to enhance their business or to learn how to do a meditation or whatever it is, everybody's operating from a space of wanting the world to be a better place. And so it's inherent in the makeup of the people in our community to be kind and to be accepting and to, to not only that, but to want to learn about other people's experiences so that they can be more supportive of them. think that what's happening now is people are recommending other people to join. So they're bringing in, you know, they're, they're that person and now they're bringing in more of those people. And they're saying like, I'm in this community. you've got to check this out because this is actually working. And Dr. Bird is a great example because she is one of our dearest friends. If you now know her, she's also can be a tough love person. And when we told her we were going to do this, she was like, that's great, you guys. And about six months into it, she said to us, I wasn't sure if you could pull it off. She said, sounded good on paper, but it was like, are they really going to be able to do this? And she's like, you've done it. And she's basically left social media now and just hangs out in our community because it's a safe place where you can post anything and people aren't going to trash you or come after you or be mean or give you advice that you don't want. it just, I think it really is a testament to the people who are in the community that it's working as well as it is. It's true. A community like it's the people who make the community can only do so much right in the end. It has to be the community that leads the community, right? That's sort of how it ends up being. So, you know, you set the tone, but if no one's buying in, then it's not gonna, you know, and go ahead, please. yeah, I agree. Yeah, absolutely. I, know, something that you said, which is really interesting is that one of the conversations that I think happens a lot and it's happened, I hear it all the time. from anyone who is in the social impact space or who does liberation work or is working on dismantling systems of oppression is that it is so lonely and it is so hard and it is so isolating and it can feel like what you're doing or what you need to do, not what you're doing, because what we're doing always feels like it's never enough, but it always seems like the amount of work we need to do is so much more and the system's set up that way to make us feel like we can't make a difference. And what I'm finding is, and this is what I was looking for, is why the universe will deliver if you just say the words out loud, right? Because one of the things that I started to notice is that there's so many more of us than there were say 10, 20, 30 years ago as the community start to build and connect. And you've created a space where people who are in the space of doing the work, who honestly don't have the time, energy or wherewithal to be able to set up, and it's too much work, right? You've created a space where they can come. share the work they're doing, engage with others and kind of like remove some, and honestly, like I'm tearing up a little bit, like remove some of that feeling of like loneliness. Absolutely. And that, that really was our goal. That was, you know, we know the women in our community are too busy to have their own communities, but they want community. So that's what we do. That our whole goal is to just build the community for them to come to and bring their work. And we, all we do every day is talk about wonderful women and the work that they're doing. Like that's our whole, we don't promote ourselves. We promote the women in our community. That's our whole point. So yeah, it's all about that. That was our goal with the Power Passionistas was to give them a space to share their stories because no one's listening to them or they feel like no one's listening to them at least, you know? And we're stronger. Yeah. I was going say like not a lot of people are, I mean, I think now more are. But I think more people aren't being listened to, right? And like, think that if I tried to learn how to be a better listener, and when I find that like people feel like they're really being listened to, they don't even know how to, I don't even know how to deal with it when someone's actually hearing what I'm saying. Right? I know. And I think the loneliness thing is really, really important. And it's one of the top things that Nancy and I wanted to address because I was born into a family of four other siblings. There were four before me and I never really have felt lonely. I've been lonely. I lived on the West Coast by myself for a long time and everybody else was back East. So I felt lonely like I was separated from them. But I also have always known that all I had to do is pick up the phone and there was somebody at the other end of the phone. And working with Nancy and having her as my best friend. I've never really, I've always known that I'm not alone and I don't need to feel lonely. Even if it's just on a Friday night when we live across the country, I can call her and be like, I don't have anything to do. And we know so many women who are working at home or their kids just moved out of the house and they're empty nesters or they just got a divorce after decades. And they feel really, really lonely. We want them to know, second you join the Pashinistas, you are one of our sisters. And so you never have to feel that way again. And if you are feeling that way, you can literally come and post that and say, I'm feeling lonely or I'm having a bad day or whatever that thing is. And people will respond and people will let you know that you're not alone and they'll invite you to have a virtual coffee or if they live in your neighborhood, they'll take you out to tea, you know, like it. You don't have to feel alone anymore. This is a place where you can come and make genuine connections. Nancy and I have made our greatest friends through the Passionistas Project, and we've never met most of them in person. I love that. I'm a big believer that you can, for many years though, that wasn't accepted as much, because I'd be so close to people that I'd never met. And because I actually met everybody on World of Warcraft. This is back in the days we were playing like and so I was meeting people and I played with them and it was so much fun. And then I was like, and they're not real relationships. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, these are real. These are the relationships I have in real life. 100 percent. Because you you think there's a there's a willingness to share and a vulnerability that doesn't exist. mean, if somebody lives across the street from you and, know, might tell the butcher or whatever you do. I'm making shit up as I go right now. It's true though. It's true. Like, are they whispering about me at the library? I met my husband in the day of, you know, personal ads and meeting at clubs. That's how you met people. So I always thought like, people who meet online, I don't get that. I think that that must be, you know, that's not a real relationship. How do you do that? Until I started making friends this way and realizing, no, these friendships are deeper than any real life friendship I ever had. Yeah, I don't believe the house. Exactly. can do it in my pajamas. I'm curious. I'd to point out that Nancy met her husband at a club, through a club. At a club? Okay, now I got to hear it. So Nancy, tell me how about your husband? Not how I met your husband. How did you meet your husband? I was like a rocker chick. went to clubs to see bands all the time. And I had this band that was like my favorite band. They were my best friends and I went to see them all the time. Their bass player quit and they hired a new bass player and when they told me who it was, I'm like, my God, I've had a crush on that guy for years. I've never met him. And so my friend who was the lead singer actually called him up and was like, I'm here with Nancy. So then their first gig, he offered to give me a ride home. And then I had just bought a guitar. So he's like, I give guitar lessons. that really smooth. And then gave me my first guitar lesson and lasted. guitar now? Or like, gonna you ever learn how to play guitar? Guitar lesson lasted about 15 minutes and then we're like, we'll go get a drink. Okay. And that was it. We've been together ever since that was 38 years ago. So, wow. I asked because my, so my sister also met her husband at the club. He was a bouncer. She was dancing to, and I, so our whole family was visiting from Pennsylvania. They were, they, we all moved from Pakistan. They were visiting and we're all dancing in the club and she punched him in the face. by accident while she was dancing. And she goes, my God, Vanessa, I punched the hot bouncer in the face. And she's like, what the fuck do I do? So she went to the hot bouncer and she was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to punch you in the face. And he was like, yeah, it's fine. And then she's like, and she sold him. She goes, I just wanted to let you know that you were just so handsome. And he said that that was what stuck out because he'd had girls tell him that he was hot before, but no one had ever. He's like, it was so dignified the way you said it. So we went to see a band the next night. He was working at a different club and he was there and he ended up asking her out. This was, my God, like 20, no God, must be like 30 years ago. She was 18. So the, we're 40 something now. So like they've been together ever since off and on, but like I'm telling you clubs are apparently a good place to meet your spouse. this in Boston? It was in Boston. It was an access. Access. Rob and I officially met in person at TT the bears. God, you're kidding. That's amazing. I remember TTs. So fun. That is really fun. I met my wife online. It was a one night stand. It was like, I was like, I was really done. I was going to be me and my dog forever. And I said, she's hot. You know what? I'll just take her out, sleep with her, we'll be done. Here we are like 15 years later and she still hasn't left. She was like, she was again, she didn't really like, she was not a dog person. I had a dog. Now we have three and they're mostly hers. see people can change. I know people can change. know, so coming back to sort of what you're saying, like, think we've all aged ourselves here. Everybody, we've all aged ourselves. If you're from Boston, you all know what age we are now. I'm, you you mentioned earlier, Amy, that you don't have only business people, right? And I think that's really, you know, a lot of the organizations and a lot of the communities that I find online are really geared towards you want to run a business, you want to hustle, you want to do whatever it is. Right. And, but the people that I typically work with and we're now intersect between the two spaces, right? Not just being business people, but you have so many people right now in the workforce who are suffering enormously and looking for community. And like the only place they typically used to have community was work. Now they don't have that. So I'd love to know a little bit about like, sort of like the, tell me about the woman who is attracted to, who's like, my God. I mean, we already talked about the part where they're socially and they're They're socially aware and interested in their own development and giving themselves love. But what other sorts of things like typically do you find as a commonality in your group? I mean, I think a lot of them are in transition. So a lot of them have left corporate jobs and finally are pursuing their passion project. A lot of them are empty nesters or like I said, going through a relationship shift. I think a lot of them are becoming. more socially aware or have become more socially aware in the last, how long has it been now? Since 2016, eight years. And really, especially right in this moment in time, really motivated about the election and what's going to happen in November. You know, I think they are really, they're just looking for a place. And like Nancy said earlier, A lot of them come from marginalized communities and they really feel like they're not being heard. And so they have tried other communities and they find like, okay, if it's a networking thing, I have seven minutes on a networking call to connect with some stranger in a breakout room and maybe we'll follow up, but I have to be like super together. I have to be really buttoned up. have to have my pitch ready. You know, like I have to have it all together and they want to find a place where they can just kind of let it all hang out and they can be vulnerable and they can support other people who are being vulnerable. So it's not to say that there aren't people who are working in the workforce because we are finding more and more of those women who are in corporate jobs are also joining because I feel like they can't It's like you were saying about the neighbor across the street, right? It's like if I tell my co-worker that I'm struggling Yeah, am I putting myself in a position where? they're gonna say something to my boss or I'm not gonna get that promotion because I cried a little bit at the office or whatever that thing is like You still feel isolated even when you're in a structure and in a system that is built largely on patriarchy. So we are attracting those women too who are in spaces that might seem outside of our scope of the community, but everybody needs support. Everybody needs a safe place to land. So it's attracting a wider audience and a broader audience than I think we expected. I think we expected a certain kind of maybe activist person or still a Loprador person. And we're finding there are more people that need to find an authentic space than we imagined. I think even with the solopreneurs that we attract, there are solopreneurs who want to approach it a different way. They don't want to do the typical things. They don't want to work 16 hour days. They want to live. live life in alignment with their values, which is someone we interviewed yesterday on the podcast. That's her whole business is how do you have a business in alignment with the fact that you want to spend time with your family and do things for yourself and still have a successful business. So I think even the entrepreneurs in our community have a different mindset than your typical entrepreneur. You know, you actually just hit something really on the head there as you were talking. So I wanna actually dive into that. So the commonality, I think, between the types of people that we're talking about is actually, for so many years, the lesson that we were taught, and this was our parents, our mom, and I'm gonna, know, the women were taught this as a lesson, is that you literally have to, and I'm gonna speak from my own experience right now, but I sit like this all the time, and I don't know if you've. I'm always like leaning forward in my chair a little bit, but always like this, somebody might need something. Right. And so I'm always poised and ready to respond to someone's need. Do you need water? Do you need me to get up? Do you need me to clean this stuff? Take the dot? Like, doesn't matter. Right. And even though I don't live in a space now where anybody is always asking me to do something, I don't like that's been years since that's happened. And yet the conditioning is so deep that I am still always at the ready to pounce out. Right. And for so many years, we have been, and then you add to that capitalism, right? Where you have to work, work, work constantly, work the 16 hour days, prove your worth, prove your value, generate income, generate productivity. Don't be lazy, waste of space, that kind of thing, right? I think what we're seeing is almost like a transition, Amy, to your point, of realization. And my friend Sherry, the real Slim Sherry calls it an unbecoming, where we're realizing that we no longer... want to use that as the framework from which to build whatever it is that we're building, right? So whether you end up being a solopreneur or in the corporate, it doesn't matter what you're doing. We want to build it from a space that says, what do I need? And I'm just going to tell you that just saying that gave me chills because I've never been allowed to ask that. Right. Like, in fact, I feel guilty even thinking it like, what do I need? And then building my life off of that, my God, I'm so selfish. Right. Like, do you, how does that sit with you? I'm curious to know, because I was kind of that popped in my head while you were talking. 100%. Well, first of all, you know, and then add into that being a woman from a marginalized community who has to work 10 times as hard as we do because we have a certain level of privilege built into our existence, Nancy and I. Yeah, I mean, I think. I think we're constantly, constantly trying to put other people before ourselves. And we're not used to asking for help. And even there have been two instances this week alone where women have reached out to us and said, and these are accomplished, very socially aware women who one is a therapist who have reached out to us to say, I want to know if I can post this in your space. Is it okay if I do this post? I'm not comfortable asking for things. I really don't like to ask, but I push myself to ask you if it's okay. And we're trained not to ask for anything. We're trained to give, give, give, give, give. And we're never going to break through these, again, these systematic problems that we have if we don't make it okay for each other to ask the question. And Nancy and I have always been like that. We've always been really, really afraid of asking for stuff. To this day, like it's hard, like, my God, we're doing a storyteller workshop and it's like, we're gonna have to ask people to pay for it. And it's like, yeah, cause it's a $10,000 value for $2,000. It's a great deal. Like, but shifting that mindset from like, we are offering something that is a value to, my God, we're asking for something. I don't want to ask anybody for something. is really hard for us. And we know so many women who just find it hard to say, need help or have a question. Like Nancy and I were straight A students growing up. I would be damned if I was gonna ask a question in class. I wouldn't raise my hand and ask a question. Like, no way. That's, no, no, no. I'll figure it out later on my own. I'll read the book and I'll find the answer. Or hopefully someone else will ask the question. Like, we're just trained not to. It was a lesson handed down from us by our dear mother, the original passionista. She, she did, she spent her life doing for others. She never did anything for herself and raised us by modeling that behavior, but by telling us that we should put ourselves first and do what we love. But, but it's still hard. It's still a hard habit to break because she modeled the behavior of putting everyone else first. So that was ingrained in us, no matter what she said. you know, we have, we had the inspiration to go and chase our dreams, but there's still that ingrained thing like, yeah, but everyone else comes first. We also just had a conversation with the, again, a very accomplished friend, former lawyer, very accomplished lawyer, now an author, mother of three. And we talked to her the other day and she was like, this bullshit that you can do it all. is killing me and she was like you can't she said she's reading a book called liars and it's about this myth that like you can have a life where you can have it all God no we can't do it all we can barely do some of it yeah and she's like how did I buy into this for so long like it's crazy so we bought into so much shit yeah so much But now honestly, did I think a long Newport light cigarette like Virginia Slim was going to be what made it possible for me to do it all? I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. Thank you. God. I think about all those commercials in the 80s that really told me they told me the things that I could do and I'd have a date and I dressed to do it in. And that was going to be really great because that was going to be very important. Shit. You know, you said something about your mom. And I think I want to come back to that because like my friend Katie and I talk about this a lot about the process of breaking generational curses and healing generational trauma and how we talk about like my mother, I can see what she did for me and how she, but I can also see how she modeled for me. Right. And so what she modeled for me is what I am prone to. Like it is just my natural instinct of being, but I got enough. to be able to break those curses now. And what's really interesting, and I don't know if either of you have children, I don't, but Katie has children and Saira, my sister has children, so I see it in their kids, which is their kids, they're gonna have their own traumas, whatever they're, right? But they don't, they have a very different perspective, and I see this with like the, what is it, whatever the youngest generation is, now the Gen Zs and the younger millennials, that they don't have some of this. bullshit baggage that we do and I'm learning from them because they're not telling those same stories. So I feel like it's if you look at what you just said, it's literally the process of breaking that curse. Right. And like right now. And the reason one of the big things for me is I like building community and having a bigger for me. I like to have a really big impact. Right. And it's hard to do if you have kids. And so, I mean, not to say that people who have kids haven't had big impact just for me, it wasn't something that was going to work. Yeah, I wasn't going to that. Yeah, it's, I didn't want to balance it. was like, I don't want to, don't worry. You'll want them one day because that's your job. Like now can I give you my uterus please? And I will donate it. I will sell it on the black market. They wouldn't let me take it out. tried to get a hysterectomy when I was 25. They're like, are you insane? I was like, please. But, but the, reason why I bring that up is that like, there's a, there's a, this is, this is your child, right? This is my child. Like how do we, and I think that's really, I just, they feel that that's really beautiful. I wanted to just say that about your mom. Like. It's a beautiful thing to watch the magic of generational curses and generational trauma and the stories of the patriarchy be broken on a podcast, right? Like I'm sitting here talking to you and I'm seeing you break it. It's really cool. Yeah. I wish my mom could be here to see it because she would be so proud and pleased that this is happening. Fortunately, we lost her a long time ago. We were very young when we lost our mom. Amy was 25. I was 30. Me too. I was 28. My brother was 14. My sister, yeah. it's awful. It is so young. So sorry. Yeah. God, I feel like you've got me crying this whole podcast. More than I have in any of the other ones. I'm struggling to keep it together. I'm I can do this. I'm like crying. I it. But that's okay. We keep having this conversation since the convention last week. When was that? Time is a warp right now. But that story that the congresswoman, I always forget her name, told about how she was having a hard time. she went to, she was like, was the first time I got invited to the vice president's house for an event. And she was in the middle of this huge public battle with Marjorie Taylor Greene. And she went to Kamala Harris' house and never met Kamala Harris. And she walked up in the receiving line and shook Kamala Harris' hand and Kamala Harris said, what's wrong? And she said she just burst into tears and she was like, told her how she was having a hard time and struggling and all of sudden all this attention. And she said Kamala Harris just wiped away her tears and listened to her and gave her advice. In the middle of this huge, like you can imagine the like people running the schedule, like we gotta go moving along. And we've just been saying like, what a landmark moment that is for someone to go on national television and tell a story of. a woman being vulnerable at work and a woman of immense power being supportive and stopping everything to care for her in the midst of that. never in my, as a woman who worked in a male-dominated movie studio and was a very emotional person, I never in my lifetime thought I would hear that it was okay for a woman to cry at the workplace and another woman would step up and take care of her. I was like, my God, that is, it's like one of the greatest stories I personally have ever heard in terms of like my history of working in the system. And it's like, I think part of the reason that the younger generation is benefiting from it is we're starting to tell those stories. I think our collective generation is still processing it for ourselves because we've been silent about it for so long and it's. not just like the me too stories, it's those moments that if you haven't experienced that, if you haven't been a woman who has tears in her eyes sitting in a meeting full of men, it seems like you're just being a whiny girl or a baby. And like that's kind of the mindset that we've been given. Like that's weak and you're weak and you don't belong here because you have emotions. And in reality, there's nothing more powerful than sharing your emotions with people. So we're finally at the point where we are talking to each other about these things and saying like, no, I need to make a point of this. I need to have this conversation even if someone else doesn't get it, because you get it. I know you get it. And if we're not talking about these things, we're never going to move past them. And it really has to be time that we move past them. I love that so much. You one of the things that one of my friends once told me is that in her family, there were family secrets, right? And there's things you just didn't talk about outside, right? And I think that is, that is gone, that has become like, they're supposed to be like your secrets. Like there's things you're supposed to just keep in, don't talk about, just live in this and it eats you up. And I feel like you're right. Like the fact that we're all speaking and the me too is important. Well as all of the other things that are happy because it's a it's a system. It's not a single action It's a system and a series of activities that yeah that ends up with a me too movement But it starts long before that right like long long before it starts like when you're a little girl And they're saying don't cry Little good little girls don't cry and so now you have to go to your room till you're done and then come back right and like now There's the trauma that you're growing up with. Yeah. my god. I As we, just, realized we're sort of at 41 minutes and I'm like, shit, we're not even halfway through having a conversation. So what I actually would love to say is this, like everyone else is also crying. So I hope they all have Kleenex. I'm gonna start, I'm gonna actually intro it with that. But you know, the truth is if somebody wants to keep this going and continue to hear from like, these thoughts, there's plenty of different ways that they can engage not just with you, but with the whole community of people that you have engaged and brought together. Can you tell? Everyone, because I'm a member, I'm a paid member, everybody. I'm signed up paid member. I'm there. So now it is, it is your turn to join me. Tell, tell everyone how they can join me and you also, I'm assuming you're there too. We're there all the time. We're all the time. Every time we get a new member, we text each other. Yay. So yeah, you can, the easiest way is to go to thepassionistasproject.com slash sisterhood. and all of the information is there. There's buttons to press for every level and all the info. All of our socials are there. And really reach out to us. We are a DM or an email away and it's really easy to get in touch with us and we want to welcome everyone into the community. And you're connectors too. like there, so everyone who knows me, Nancy and Amy do the exact, it's like I met them and within like three days I'm connected with. five people and I'm like, holy shit, and all five of these people are like, they're literally like stars, you know, and like, as in like, I'm like walking around in a constellation of stars, right? So it's like, this is, it's amazing. I'm so grateful for you to joining me. Thank you so much. You make me scared, you make me go
