Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
We all deserve a life of joy and fulfillment, but for many of us that joy feels elusive. We've checked off all the boxes and done all the the things that the blueprint of life says should make us happy, and yet - no joy. Turns out, being happy isn't about following society's blueprint, but about creating our own blueprint for what we want out of our lives and taking action to make that happen. For us to embrace that opportunity, we first have to let go of other people prescriptions for our life choices, and build trust in our own inner compasses. That journey was hard and long for me, but it doesn't have to be. Join me as we explore and build an exciting future based on what YOU want, and how YOU feel inside, unlock a life of joy and fulfillment, and release yourself of the guilt of not enough.
Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
How to Re(un)become Yourself with The Real Slim Sherri
Join Minessa Konecky in this episode of "Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself," featuring an engaging conversation with Sherry Dindal, a viral content creator and a loud voice for Gen X. Known for her TikTok and Instagram handle, "The Real Slim Sherri," she discusses the brutal experience of unbecoming yourself to rediscover the joy of living in authenticity.
In this candid talk, Minessa and Sherri explore deep topics such as personal empowerment, overcoming societal conditioning, and embracing one’s true self after decades of conformity. They delve into how Sherri's humorous yet insightful content on social media has become a beacon for many navigating midlife, menopause, and beyond.
We recorded this podcast for GenXers who are healing from past traumas, and understanding the impact of social media on self-expression. Whether you're a Gen Xer feeling the weight of societal expectations or a younger listener seeking wisdom from those who've tread the path before, or want to get an idea of what it's like to be us, there's something in this conversation for you.
Stay tuned for part two of this profound discussion and explore more content that resonates with issues of authenticity and community. Don't forget to subscribe to our channel and hit the bell icon to get notified about new episodes and join a community committed to genuine self-discovery and empowerment.
CONNECT WITH ME MORE AT:
http://www.stopshoulding.me
https://www.instagram.com/minessa.konecky/
🎵 Thank you to Karacter for allowing me to use Telepathy (2005) in my intro.
This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
👉 Check it out: https://karacter.bandcamp.com/album/karacter
This is a really weird podcast in that whenever Sherry and I get together, we kind of just start talking and then we kind of just stop talking. And we can go on and on and on and on forever. So as I was editing this podcast, the problem that I kept running into is that I didn't want to remove anything, but then we kind of trailed on in the beginning and we kind of trailed off at the end. And then there's a whole second podcast that ended up being created with more content. So here's what this podcast is going to sound like. We're going to trail in, just listening on our conversation a little bit. And then we're just going to kind of trail off. And later on, stay tuned for part two of my conversation with Sherry, where we go deeper into it. We'll trail right back in. But in the meantime, I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation because one of the reasons why I very much wanted to have Sherry on the show is because she has a channel on TikTok and on. Instagram called the real slim Sherry. She's got like a million or 2 million followers. I've known Sherry for many, many years. And one of the things that she and I have always connected with is this idea that we did not feel like the world was structured for us. We felt like we had to put up with a lot of crap just to be our authentic selves. And it took us till we were in our last five to 10 years, actually forties and fifties. to start to get the boldness to make the changes we needed to, to embrace our complete selves. And the process of unbecoming that we had to go through to get there is outlined really, really hysterically on her channel. And I felt like every single thing that she posts, 30 second clips, I identify with as a GenXer. Like I hear these things and I'm like, my God, this is my life. I understand this. And. Everybody gets their daily dose of short Slim Sherry. What I wanted was an opportunity for people to hear her tell her story in a deep, lengthy way so that you could see all of these amazing things that she comes up with that are quick sound bites that she's so clever came from a very deep place of work, effort, and unbecoming that I think a lot of us relate to and have been through, but often we feel like we're doing it alone. And I wanted to put this out there as a beacon to anyone who is working on unbecoming themselves to re -become themselves or for anyone who has already unbecome themselves to re -become themselves. So we can find each other. Be like, my God, we did it. We did it. Okay. So let's listen in and let's hear what the real Slim Sherry has to say about unbecoming. The battery is falling and that's actually very, very bad. There's a whole subreddit for it. Yeah, absolutely. And it actually, for quite some time, I'll tell you, I had this, it was swelling and I didn't know it. So I gotta be honest. I'm quite lucky that I didn't die from some fluke accident. But just gonna say, dying in a really dumb way sucks. But if you die to the battery exploding in your laptop, I feel like that's a kind of a cool way to go. It would not be a sad, I mean, it'd be a sad obituary, but like, Death by laptop battery. come on, if you've gotta go. But I think you have to actually die from that because it would really suck to like a battery explode and then just be acid. Yeah, we asked all over you. Like, I know I'm with you. Like I would want to I want to go somewhere either. I want to go in my sleep or some how I want to go very sensationally like that. Like it has to be sensational. You know, very cool. Like not in a lame way, not in a lame way. It can't be ordinary. Okay. Yup. It's gonna be ordinary. I just want to go in my sleep. I don't want to go any other way. You know, I don't like That's fine. Yeah. And the ordinary sleep, sleep death fine. And Alex says that if, listen, if I die some way stupid, tell people that it was good. And so sometimes like a good story, something sensational, and embellish a bit if you need to, because yeah, death by battery sounds crazy, but yeah, kind of cool. And here's the thing, right? Now you have all these, we'll talk about your viral following in a second, but you have all these viral followers. So I just have to say that in the event that say right before this podcast, my battery had exploded and my untimely divided has happened. You're welcome for all the amazing content you have. I would have been like, I would have had to make so many videos about my friend and how tragic it was that she came and met her demise via a PC, not a Mac, but a PC battery. so we're going that, you're taking it there. You're going there. yeah, yeah, because I hate PC. So I would have made so much fun in your honor about your untimely demise at the, you know, because of Windows. I mean - You know, that is a cautionary tale. Okay, it is a cautionary tale. I think you could create some content out of that story, you know? Like you probably could like PSA. Like if you're - I'm not dead, because I made this - I'm not dead, and so I'm gonna share with you so you don't die what signs to look for when your computer is literally melting into the battery. Like I avoided a tragedy. cause of this. And so you could just share those stories with people so you might save lives. Like there's your led that that might be my legacy. That is my legacy. We figured it out. God on this one podcast. by the way, just as an FYI, I use exclusively they them pronouns now. Well, I'll try. I'll apologize ahead of time. No worries. Actually, I'm glad we're doing it this way. So this is actually a really good conversation because one of the things for me in general and like just to have the conversation is that I mean, I'll tell you changing. Pronouns for me was hard for me to like my own pronouns. I misgender myself still right So just so you know, it's totally normal and what I love about just my group of friends and and Community you included is that like we all learn together and like this is a great model, right? So like I thought to myself I was like I was I wanted to say something and I was like this is a great model to like do it where I can say hey Listen, I use they them you're like, yeah, no problem. And then we'll just practice it over the course the podcast and now because so many people struggle with that and they don't have a model. I struggle with it, not because I'm not on purpose. It goes back to conversations we've had in the past about conditioning. We're conditioned from a very young age and conformity is something we're taught all through our lives. And so we're conditioned really young to conform with what society considers to be the norms. And... That's 51 years of trying to undo something that I've been conditioned to do, which is call somebody she or he. Like that's really it. There is no other pronoun. It's just she or he. And those are the two you get. And it's very hard to unwire that part of yourself because it is in your, it's in your hard wiring. Like it's from things that you learn as a child become, they're wired in you. And it's very difficult to undo. that type of conditioning. And so it takes a lot of practice. That's always how it is. You know, I want to talk about this because I think this is this is actually where we started our I mean, you and I have known each other for years now. But in terms of our decision, like we're like, let's do a podcast. It came because you and I tend to be nonconformists in case somebody hadn't noticed that that we typically do not tend to conform to societal norms. I cover it up. I'll share. Yeah, we're not we don't conform easily. Yeah, no, we don't conform. We just kind of do our thing, right? But we didn't start off that way like I mean you were we started off with our own buying into the whole story and one of the things that I you and I hadn't talked in a while and then you started showing up in my newsfeed all of a sudden and I was like my god is that Sherry and I love your take so just I didn't even introduce you so hi everybody where we have Sherry Dindal here we're here talking about her so many things not conforming her her growth on Instagram and not just the growth on Instagram, but why she grew right so you grew because you really talk about Gen X things that like resonate like when you you get on this and I don't know if any of you watched her her videos but she gets in this special voice which I'm sure she's gonna do for us here right and it's a special voice that you use and you're like let me tell you something and whatever it is is like this nugget of Gen X like I identify with this so hard or like a clap back at someone who's saying like you know basically like where were you when you were a kid our parents didn't even know where we were when we were children But you develop, it's almost like you've developed this persona of like our mama Gen Xer. So I would love to hear a little bit about like your journey, cause I kind of just dumped a lot of this shit out there, but I'd really like to hear a little bit about your journey from going from, you know, you used to be an investigator to now, and then running a boutique and now being viral on the internet for your absolutely hysterical stuff. Guys, the link is in the show notes, make sure you go to it, but tell us about that. So yeah, I was an investigator for 26 years. I quit my corporate job. What kind of investigator, by the way, are we talking? I did mostly organized crime investigation. That was very cool. I knew that, but I gasped for the audience. Like big fencing operations and things like that. How fun and terrifying. Yeah, I mean, I loved it. I literally am a thrill seeker. But then I got, you know, 26 years in, I got very... very much into the corporate side and less into the investigative side. And it just didn't, it didn't set my soul on fire anymore and I wanted out. So I got, I got out. So I still miss investigating, but I don't do that anymore. And then, so I quit, I quit that and started my own business. It's be, it'll be nine years this year that I left my corporate job. And a couple of years ago, never thought I would end up being any kind of social media, anything. Actually, I spent most of those eight, almost nine years, not understand, couldn't figure out social media. I was like, I don't know. my gosh. I can't figure, I would try. Use the send button. I mean, I knew how to use the technology. I've always been pretty tech savvy, but it was like figuring out like how to get, like how to make your video or no, we weren't really doing videos. And it was more kind of post early on and you know, there was really no video. That stuff just never went anywhere. I was like, this is just such a waste of my time. Like I would just really, it was such a waste of time. And so a couple of years ago, I got COVID and got on, I was spending a lot of time in bed, just doing nothing and got onto TikTok and started digesting like so many people do, the whole TikTok crazy stuff that's got out there on TikTok. And I thought to myself when it was all said and done and I was over recovering from COVID, I was like, I think I could do this. Like I don't really do static post well, but I could do video, right? Like I... I could do this. And so early on, I thought I would use it to grow my business. Like I thought I could do this part. I can't do the static crap. That just is a pain in my ass. I'm going to make videos. Well, I literally made like one or two videos that were intended for my business. And then it just turned into something else. I made a video one day, just kind of a fun video about Gen X sounds, only Gen X hears. And that was like my first viral video. where it was just me with some music, like clips of music beginning, opening like sounds to songs we all would know. And that went viral. And then I just started making more content around it, like Gen X and aging and just poking fun at a lot of the dumb shit that we've been through. And, you know, two, two and a half years later, I have over 3 million followers collectively between TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. And so it, yeah, like it's really turned it, I don't really have like a, like what people see is what they, that's me, that's who I am. Like it's not a, that's not a character. That's not a, now you talked about the voice. I was gonna say the voice, but what about the voice? Tell me, show us the voice. Those are my voice, those are all my voices. People will say, the voice is different. And I'm like, well, they're all my voice, but if I get in real close and intimate with the. with the screen, which I do. Most of my videos I shoot like right here in my face. I'm just in your face. Cause that's just how we've lived our whole lives. Just kind of in, I feel like Gen X is just very in your face anyway. And so I get up close and personal and I do talk more in a little bit of a lower, more monotone voice, like, you know, that just takes it down because I want to draw. I want most of the time it's cause I want to draw them in. I... It works, I get drawn in, it's almost like your voice is like, honey, pull it. Well, that's what people are like, were you like a sex hotline worker in the past? Because you could read me bedtime stories, you could, you know, like, I could probably do a whole thing just on. doing a bed, maybe I will. I was just saying you may want to do that. Maybe do a Patreon. Maybe I'll read your bedtime story. I do like a bedtime story with Slim Sherry or something. I don't know because people are always begging me to do that voice. And it's not like something I do. It's not, this is my normal voice, I guess. Does your wife make you do that voice? No, no. I think she finds me, early on she, she did not like that I was doing TikTok videos. And I was like, well, why? Cause you know, I swear a lot. That's just me. I don't do that for the camera. That's just who I am. And to me, swear words are just words, so I don't give a shit, you know? And she didn't like it, because she was like, I was like, what? What? She was like, it's just, it's kind of cringy. And I was like, cringy? I don't know. my god, so were you thinking in that moment, should I be doing this? I did, I made a video and said after all, because what was funny, and I don't remember the exact details, but. What was funny is that she called me cringy and then like a few hours later starts telling me this story about somebody that she's known for years that like this whole drawn out story about how they were on TikTok and like they were like a completely diff. There's like a whole nother side of them. They were like on this weird side of TikTok, right? Like on the, there's some, you can go down some rabbit holes. The fringe of TikTok. So she's talking about this and she's going on and on and at the end she was like, and it's kind of cringe. And I was like, What? my God, that's amazing. She got it. She, you're like exactly. Wait a minute. So let me get, I'm cringy and that, so what, what the fuck side of TikTok do you think? Cause these are, we're in two totally different levels of. She was using the word cringe. You know what? Maybe the thing is that she doesn't like the TikTok video. Like maybe it's the TikTok. Like I, some TikTok videos I do find cringe. She backtracks. She's like, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it. I was like, no, like you did mean it that way. I was cringy. And then you compared me to this, this, this side of TikTok. I was just like, so I said, maybe I, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. And I was like, you know what? No, fuck that. I'm going to do it even more. And so I did not. not to just throw it in her face, but because I was like, you think that's cringy? You just wait. The right challenge. Now this was like two years ago, more than two years ago. So fast forward, things have changed a lot. And she, she, she does, she has never called me cringe again. That's for sure. I was going to say she's probably bought in at this point because whatever it is that you're doing is working. Well, that's what I said. I said, well, whatever I said that in my place, like, well, whatever I'm doing must be working because there's like a million at that time. It might've been. I don't know, a couple hundred thousand at that time. I was like, well, whatever I'm doing is working because there's a couple hundred thousand people who like it. So you know what, I'm now fast forward. There's like more than 3 million of them, but yeah, it just, it, so I, it started off as kind of Gen X content and then I started talking about midlife, just aging. And I started, I poke, I poke a lot of fun at getting older. Then at the same time, I was starting into the early stages of menopause. And so I've made a lot of fun about menopause. I identify by the way, so hard, so hardcore. It's like my, I'm waking up in sweats. I'm then I'm suddenly freezing. Like my whole life is just like, yeah. So I, you know, I, people say, well, have you always been at like, are you, people think I am on stage, like as a comedian, they're like, are you a comedian? I was like, no, I've never, you've never been on stage as a standup or I've never done that. And I never really considered myself to be funny before. Like, I mean, I've always been punchy and sarcastic, but never thought I was funny. But apparently I am. And so I poked. I poke a lot of fun at real life. Like that's just it. I poke a lot of fun at real life. And I think that's what makes it so relatable. Like I didn't set out to like find a community of people when I started making TikTok videos. Like I wasn't, but I did. I happened across and it's been somewhat therapeutic for me to happen across. You know, I started making videos early on about Gen X and talking about kind of like topics that not everybody wants to talk about. Like there's a lot of trauma in the whole Gen X. generation and not that there are things in trauma and other generations, but we, nobody's really ever talked about our shit. We just have kept our heads down and kind of done our thing. So I've chipped away at some of those topics. And usually when I do some of those really become very big viral videos and it's either people disagreeing or people that are, you know, the, the, the agreeing with or feeling seen, like these are people who like, wait, yes, that's me. And so, What I feel like I've done, not just me, but other Gen X creators has brought together a group of people who most of our lives have felt like we were alone. You know, like, I didn't realize when I started talking about Gen X and like the shit we went through as kids, like being latchkey kids, being home alone a lot, cooking for you. I mean, I cooked my first meal for myself when I was five, you know? my God, I was just telling Alex about how I learned how to make roast beef when I was six. And that was the one I cooked. So I made roast like all the time. Yeah, we were home alone and people don't, a lot of people don't realize that we were home alone a lot. You know, parents, we were the first generation to have parents that got divorced. Like the divorce rates were higher in our generation than ever. And it was, you know, women's rights had changed and women had the right to divorce. And so they started taking advantage of that. And then on the, so you had single family homes. Then on top of that, you had. women who were going to work and you had dual family incomes where both parents were working and they were not home and we were left alone. And anyway, when I started talking about that, I just thought it was me. Like I never, I didn't really identify as Gen X. Like it wasn't something, it was not a, it was not really in my... arsenal of vocabulary where I was throwing out that I was Gen X. I wasn't talking about that, but when I started, I mean, I am Gen X. It just wasn't something that I labeled myself as. I didn't feel the need. And then when I started talking about our generation, all these people started coming into the comments and following me that were like, me too. Like I think, and so many thought that it was just them. Like they would say, like, I thought it was just me. Like I found my people. Like we, what I've found is there's this very large collective. of people from our generation that have gone through life feeling like they were alone and isolated in their trauma or in their past. And I love being a conduit for bringing those people together because I feel like we have an opportunity to heal in a lot of ways as a collective, you know? And so there is this gigantic community, not that everybody that follows me is Gen X, the bulk of them, probably 80 % sit in that. the Gen X category, but I've got a lot of boomers that follow me and I have a lot of millennials and Gen Z even that follow me. And I think the reason that is, is just because of the relatability. That's what I say it's the relatability, right? Like there's a lot of relatability there. Yeah, I try to make content that's relatable because for me, that's what I connect with. I connect with more of the content that is relatable. that either makes me laugh or makes me feel something. And that's what every video I make, that's what I set out with the intention is just trying to make you feel something or to make you laugh. Like those are like my two big, my big ones. You know, I want to connect with people in a way that makes them feel something. And that's hopefully, that's why my daily dose of Slim Sherries came from was I used to just do a lot of Gen X content and... joke about midlife or whatever, but I've started in the last year or so making a little bit more serious content, which are usually my daily dose, which is like a lot of that stuff that I myself have just like a door. I think we've talked about this before where I turned 50 and all of a sudden it was like a door open for me that was never there before. Like there's like some secret door was unlocked and all so many things just started to make sense to me. So if I'd struggled with my whole life. And I just wanna share that with people. And I do, and I do that in my daily dose, but I still make it very relatable. I still throw Slim Sherry stuff in there, you know, where it's like, I'm not afraid to use a swear word or, you know, just, I wanna empower people. I wanna make people our age feel empowered. Because as we age, ageism is real and it is alive. And the older we get, especially when you start mentioning that you're menopause, right, or you're entering into menopause, we suddenly, people start to look at us different. We become irrelevant in a lot of ways. You know, they, they're getting, they're too old to do, like, you know, there's just so many labels that go along with aging and things that they think you can't do anymore or that you, your body won't, it can't do, or your mind can't do, or you start, like you take the beauty industry and how people view beauty as being young. You know, and so they look at us and just think that we're just a has -been. You know, so ageism is alive and well. And so I want to empower people in our age demographic to say, fuck you and your ageism, fuck you and all the things you tell me I can't do. And fuck you with all the ways that you view me because I have reached a certain point in life. and screw you and your societal norms and your conformity, because I just don't conform to that. Though so many people don't want to call me old, if you will, because I'm 51. You're old. I don't subscribe to that. Well, relevant in relation to what, right? So like here, the universe is a billion years old. So actually you're just a spring chicken right there, Sheri. I'm like a tiny little baby chick. Baby little chick, right? You know, it's interesting because I think, you know, we're coming, like you're sort of like we started the conversation related to conditioning and I think we're coming back to that conversation again. And I mean, our conversations always go back to conditioning no matter what they are, because, you know, when you talk about ageism, it's our societal conditioning to believe that as you age, there is a deficiency that happens. And you know, and it's perpetuated by the mistaken belief that like in earlier generations going back thousands and thousands of years that lifespans were lesser. And that's not true. Like we people live till 60, 70, 80 years old, many, many 5 ,000 years ago. Right. So life is long. Life is robust. Life has stages. But I would argue to probably around the beginning with chattel slavery all the way up into, you know, industrialization. We have needed to be conditioned to a certain in a certain way for us to be able to show up in society and do the work that's necessary and And so that's why obviously they started schools to have a pliable workforce. So like all these things that exist right that now You know almost a hundred years later. We are and more the more we're reckoning with right and you talk about These things that you share that are so relatable and how you bring in there's some boomers. There's some Millennials And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that like, collectively as a human, as like the human race, I think we're, many of us are starting to realize this as we break our trauma bond, things of trauma, right? So you do, you do your videos, someone sees it, it breaks a little bit of trauma within them. They start to heal a little bit, they heal with their kids. And so like these little things start to make a difference, almost as if we're kind of slowly breaking apart the years of conditioning that have existed. And one of the things that you said was, is that you do your daily dose of Slim Sherry, but there's still the Sherry in there. You're being serious, but also not. And I think part of it is, and I struggled with this a lot years ago, but I don't anymore. And the thing I struggled with was I would see people making a difference like your Mother Teresa types who go into the world and then they go out there and then they're living in a community and doing the work or whatever. Or... people who are volunteering at shelters or giving money, whatever it is that they people chose to do and they devoted their whole life to it and whatever it is, right? And I'd always feel like I'm not doing enough because whatever it is that I was doing, there was more that needed to be done and I wasn't doing it. And what I realized eventually was that there is the collective healing that's happening, right? And part of that collective healing is every person has to do their part. And your part, right? Is like, and I'll tell you how it impacts me because some of the things that you talk about are, really painful, like the conditioning of value, right? Like that, and when you talk about those are very painful, right? And those are things that if I talk about in therapy, like, you know, you can hear me, I'm tearing up now, like these are difficult, but being able to like have like a short video where you say something and like it hurts that you're saying it because you're acknowledging a pain or a trauma that existed. But the manner in which you do it allows me to do it in a safe way. Cause like I can. Like you're like, here, let me show you this thing. And then you're like, ha ha funny. And I'm like, my God, you're so funny. And then I feel better about it. And so I think that for some people, the trauma is deep enough to where you almost have to have a bridge like Sherry, right? To be able to get to the space where you feel safe enough to heal. I think, I acknowledge like the emotion there. And I see that so often in the comments from people. Like I don't get to interact with everybody. Like I'm interacting with you right now. you know, where it's like this one -on-one where I see you and you see me and we're having a dialogue. So a lot of times I only get to digest them through the comments. And I see so much of what you're saying in the comments, people acknowledging. And I think for me, I'm so thankful that I get to be that type of bridge because I wish that I had had that for me. And I didn't, I didn't have a way to feel validated and safe at the same time. And so a lot of what I pour into those daily doses are things that I myself have struggled with and either I need to hear or I know others need to hear so that I hope that one day for somebody that struggles like I did for 50 years, I'm hoping I'm a key for them at some point that helps them unlock that door, that helps them to move past the past, that helps them to move. forward in their healing that helps them to move forward in their own ability to recognize their self -worth and how much they how much value they bring to the world. And I you know, I never set out with the intention of being that but since I do it and I see how much it has helped people like I literally had somebody in my comments just last week which blew me away and I would I acknowledge their comment but didn't make a big deal about it because. It was such a significant comment that I was like, this is, this is like, I, I never thought I was making that kind of impact. Somebody who acknowledged that they were suicidal and my video came up in their feed and that I changed their life that day, that whatever I said to them, and I don't remember exactly which video it was, whatever I said to them, that they are still here today because of it. that they, you know, the fact that they said that, that's such a huge, like, first of all, it's such a, like, I take that so seriously. Like, I know that there are people out there that are in pain and that are struggling and that don't wanna be here. And so I'm always careful, although I know I'm touching on those nerves, various things, because there are things that I'm still healing from, I'm still working on. And, but that was just, and it's not the only time I've seen it, but the way this person worded it was so, I was so like, Whoa, like that's deep, man. It was so deep. And I, it made me step back and think like, wow, you really do have a reach, you know, that I didn't rec, I don't think I recognized it until that moment, like the significance of it. And so I don't, I don't ever want anybody to think that I take that lightly because I don't, I take that so seriously. And the, I try to. I am chipping away at trauma and I'm chipping away at our generation's baggage that we have, chipping away at that. But I recognize that it goes deeper. It goes so much deeper and that there are people out there that are stuck and don't know how to move forward. And I just wanna help them move forward. And I'll do that one video at a time. I love that. my God, that's amazing. When I think back, to when I was first beginning my, like obviously I've been in therapy for many, many years. I've been healing for many years, but like I would argue that I didn't actively start healing like intentionally, like, and before that I was therapy, so on, but I don't think I really understood what healing meant. Like I think I was just doing the things that we were supposed to do. go to therapist. Okay, great. I talked to the therapist. Okay, I'm healed, right? But you know, we're not healed after talking to the therapist, right? So, but, you know, there's so many different things, I think, that, and I'm curious to know from you, right? Like, there's so many, my healing modalities, I have many, right? So, like, over time, I realized that Instagram was actually a very powerful healing tool for me because there's layers of things, like you said, there's deep layers. Some you can talk about overtly, like you and, you know, we'll just go to therapy and talk about it, or with, you know, our family members or whatever. But others are deep enough to where we can only touch a, touch them just a little, and then maybe touch back later, right? And so there's like a team of people or a team of resources almost right that I have. Cause if you think about it, like there's conditioning, there's like, I have a team, like a team of medical professionals. Like I have a whole team of people that helped keep me alive. Right. And I, it's funny because I think the way that we were raised, like, if you think about it, right, they leave you at home, take care of yourself. You're fine. Right. And we lived. Okay. So in, it's funny when I think about it, staying alive shouldn't be, it's not that hard. Right. I mean, I, I kept myself alive as a child. But but now I'm like holy shit staying alive staying alive and healthy, you know And I don't mean healthy necessarily like physically which is obviously a part of how does all of it? It's like all health like the whole holistic healthy, right? That requires a team and a community and so I want to come back to something you said earlier You talked about you felt alone We were raised. You know, we talked about being latchkey kids Remington Steel by the way, I watched MTV and Remington Steel Constantly when I was a child, you know all of those because you have like five channels and you just watch them over and over and over I really had three but anyway, well, you know, we were like I was like we were special but I realized no we didn't have we didn't we couldn't afford furniture So we weren't that special but we had the television And an ironing board we had an ironing board. but so, you know And I hadn't thought about this until you said this just now One of the things that I realized about five years ago was that I had no community Right. I just, I knew a lot of people, but I had no community. And as I started to spend more time in, they see circles and, black communities and indigenous communities, I started to really understand how community is built and what has been taken from us as Gen Xers in terms of that level of support. Because, so here's really, this is actually my, upbringing was weird because I grew up in a, in a, a multifamily household. So there were lots of people in the house, right? So there was three stories, people like grandparents, uncles, whatever, right? But I was also always alone because we had like our own little thing and we sort of had to raise ourselves. So it's like kind of both. So we had like, so it's weird. But when my grandmother used to tell me stories. about growing up in Pivandi because she came, she migrated from, immigrated from India to Pakistan after Martishan. She grew up in a village and the village had a full community and she tried to impart a lot of these community ideas onto me. But now that I look back, I can see how she was really struggling against the evolution of the times, which is, you know, Gen X, the world, I said, Individualism like a lot of those things and so I feel like what's happened so for a while and and that was the time where I had to be very Self -sufficient do it all on your own. Don't ask for help. God. my god such a weak fuck How dare you ask for help? Such a bother you are I'm totally kidding. You're not no I'm fully acknowledging but And so we internalize that, but I feel like now, and I saw a meme about this the other day that said, I feel like I spent the first, the second half of my life recovering from the damage that was done to me in my first half of my life. And so I feel like it's almost like there's people, there's those of us who are like, motherfucker, what the hell did we just do all these years? And now we have to undo all that shit and you're like, you slimmer. And you're like, okay, I'm gonna start doing videos because we're all gonna have to decondition together. So I call it an unbecoming. I love that fucking word. I'm so glad you brought that up. Tell me more about unbecoming. Unbecoming. Like it's, I acknowledged, like I told you turning 50 was like a, I don't know. I don't know why it took me 50 years on my own. Cause I have pretty much, I mean, I've had family, I have family, but I've been on my own my whole life. Like I left home when I was 16, even before that I was a latchkey kid. You know, my parents were divorced and my dad was a, he was an alcoholic and not a nice one. And so just coming from a lot of. the history there, just being, self isolation is a real thing. I still do it, I still self isolate. A lot of us did, we were told to go to our room and cry. Nobody really acknowledged our emotions. So, you know, thinking about all the trauma that's there, 50 years of my life living in that way. And I don't know why it took me 50 years on my own, but I haven't really had like a mentor or somebody that really could give me those nuggets of wisdom or help me move past my trauma. and heal, really, I always wanted to, but we've had this conversation, I have never been to therapy. And so I kind of have a little bit of a barrier there. And anyway, 50 years, and then the door, like mysteriously opened. Now there were some things, very intentional things going on in my life that kind of, I feel like helped me open that door after I had COVID. I was really sick with COVID. So I came out of that just sort of like looking at life. differently, you know, looking at the world differently, wanting to be like, you know, life is so short. Like I, what are you doing? You're just wasting your life. So stuck in your head and stuck in this shit that keeps dragging you back into the past. This is where I was. So I wanted, I had intentionally started to do things like practicing mindfulness and things to try to help me become more centered and focus on what was going on in my life now and really wanting to move past some of that trauma. all of the trauma, but some very specific trauma that I needed to move past. And when I started becoming very intentional in that, I felt like that door opened. And so, I wasted my whole 49th year of my birth worrying about turning 50. Literally. I remember having that story literally every fucking day you were worried about turning 50. I was so freaked out about turning 50 and... I wasted the whole year 49 worrying about it. Then I turned 15, I was like, it was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me. It was just like this door open and all of this knowledge that I've had just started to make sense. Like it just, and I started just literally stripping away all the layers of shit that I have, the baggage I have carried around other people's baggage, not my shit. but I've been carrying it around and giving life to it, giving breath to it by acknowledging it every single day of my life. And I was carrying around this shit and I started just dumping those fucking bags. I was like, I'm so over this controlling my life. And I realized that I was just unraveling all of this shit that had been like bound around me for 50 years. And I realized it was, I was unbecoming everything that I had. been taught that I believe, like the belief system that somebody gave me, because when you're children, you are conditioned not only in like just how to be a human, but you're also conditioned in like your belief system, like what they, you're taught what other people believe. And that becomes the foundation of your belief system. And so I was just unbecoming. Like all these things that I had been taught and that I believed about myself based on what other people told me or based on things that had happened to me. And I've just been, I'm still unbecoming all of those things. All the people that have told me my whole life that I was too much. Like I'm just too much. Like I'm too aggressive. You too? We all are. But I've always been labeled as aggressive or assertive or loud or, you know. Tone it down. I think you need to tone it down. I've always had to tone it down. I'm too abrasive. I'm unapproachable. I'm all of these things. And those are things that I let them put all those stickers on me. And I carried those labels around. And I let those labels control me. Like I tempered who I am for others. Like I was tired of making other people feel comfortable at the sake of my own comfort. Like I was sacrificing my own comfort so that they could be comfortable quieting myself, you know, trying to just not be so me, I guess, just trying to be less so for everybody else. And I, you know what? I, for 50 years was less for everybody else. And now I'm like, fuck you, I'm gonna be me. And I think that's really what I have stepped into. where I go back to the conversation, the joke around Krista calling me cringe. Like that was me, like it's cringey because I am just stepping into my life. I mean, you know, I think that is cringe because like somebody being willing to be bold, right? Like I walk in there with my horns and my purple stuff and like people, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, right? There is a total cringe factor there. But like, I don't think that necessarily means it's bad. It's cringe because I'm uncomfortable because how dare you show up authentically, but that has nothing to do with you, right? That's a you problem. That's a me thing. And you know, it's funny. So I worked at this place years ago where like people were pissed about the way that I was that I that I showed up to work and did things and so on and so forth. Right. And they were like, why do they get to do that? And we don't. Right. And as opposed to boundaries, you set the boundary, you do it like you. You get to make that decision. I like your boss can tell you you have to stay till six. But if you are that's not in you don't have to like, yeah, there might be consequences. But those will play out on their own. But ultimately, you're the one who gets to decide whether you stay at work or leave. Like, societal conditioning is what is putting that pressure on you. Now, once you decide, fuck off, I'm going to leave at five, then fuck off and leave at five. Now, yeah, will society be pissed? Sure. And so now they're mad because they don't leave at five. And then at that point, they have to work it out themselves. And I've discovered in myself that now when I see somebody who makes me feel that level of discomfort, whereas before I would... immediately there would be like a revulsion or like a rejection or like a Now there is that feeling revulsion and rejection that comes because that's biological. That's like a biological response reaction But my then brain gets in and says what is it about this person that I'm jealous of what is it about this person? That is bothering me so much because they're just living their lives and almost always it will come down to They are doing something expressing something that I wish for myself But I don't know how to get there right or I don't know what it is or what have you? And I think it's actually made it easier because once you acknowledge that, like I can just say, right, I would just, let's say, you know, like, you know, let's say I'm super jealous of your following, right? And I'm like, my God, how did you do that? Right. and I could be like, I hate you. Right. Or I could be like, my God, that's so cool. Let's sit and talk about what happened, what it did, whatever. And I can grow as a person. And I think that like, that's part of like the unbecoming is that we have to allow ourselves to acknowledge how we have been conditioned without judgment. Cause you talked about a lot of this, but like what I don't think, what I didn't hear in there was not the like, how the hell could you let this happen to you? Right? Like, and I spent years doing that. I don't do that. my God. Me too. Right. But I want to name that, right? Because for many of us, we have that moment and we have to actually do the work. To say I released you of that judgment, right? So at some point for you to be able to do this work, you had to release yourself of that judgment to say, I did let it happen, but it's okay. Like I'm gonna now have the rest of my life be killer, right? And like, again, not be in the past versus like the, and moving into the future. I actually wanna, you said something about therapy and I really wanna touch upon that. Cause I think it's one of the most important things you said and I have to touch upon it. Cause. You said that you've never been to therapy. I think my sister's been to therapy like twice, but she doesn't go to therapy and it was a source of a great deal of tension between us for a long time. And I'm going to fully own up right now the fact that I'm a, I was a terrible judgy pants and I have grown a great deal as a person. And here's, here's what I want to acknowledge for anyone who's healing. But I also want to, you know, cause the way that you said it was, you said, you said something about it. I just want to like touch on it is that we have been conditioned to think this is conditioning again, right? That was my conditioning was that the only way to heal is through therapy. Upon. reflection over the last six years in as I've been intentionally healing what I found is that that maybe worked for me, but what if you've had therapy trauma? Then I me telling you and and I and once I realized that I was probably a perpetuator of this problem I changed my whole approach which is this right is that You don't know what someone else's story is so like you didn't go to therapy great You've clearly done a fuck ton of work fabulous, right? And so clearly there are other ways of achieving the goal that we're trying to achieve. And so I think that what I want to name here is that for anyone who is like, feels like they cannot heal because they do not want to go to therapy for whatever reason, there are other ways, right? And follow Sherry because Sherry has found that way. If you have therapy, great, that's fine. But I think it's so critical to name that because I don't think people name it enough. And so it's so easy to just say, go to a therapist, go to the, no, that's absolutely, sometimes it's not therapy. Sometimes that will hurt you more. So I wanted to just thank you very much for saying that that you didn't go to therapy and also talking about how you still did the healing. Well, that's why I brought it up. One, I always want to let people know because a lot of people do assume that I've been through years of therapy. Like there's a lot of assumption there in the comments. Like how did you get there? You must have gone to years of therapy. And first I'd like to acknowledge I haven't been to therapy and I'm not a therapist. So, you know, like, I just want to put that out there. So anything you get from my video is not therapy, okay? And if it was, then you want to get paid for it by the insurance company. I acknowledge that because I did think for so long that the only way I was going to heal was through therapy and I have a barrier to going to therapy. And I believe that about myself that I was in because for 50 years, I mean, it was obvious to me that because I wouldn't go to therapy, I wasn't going to move. I wasn't going to move past where I was. I was going to be stuck there. forever. And I, with, with a lot of intention on my part, and in practice, I have been able to move past that without going to therapy. Not that I'll never go. For me, that's a very vulnerable place to be. And it's funny because I, as I'm sitting here listening to you, something clicked inside my brain where I was like, my, my barrier to therapy has always been the vulnerability of it. Interesting. Okay. There's part, like I'm a very strong. person and I've been through a lot and I just I'm very guarded right and the thought for me about allowing somebody a stranger into my that those intimate parts of me my story because I get to share. I want to have myself that's very vulnerable for me and that's that scary. Yeah. But then when I clicked inside of me was I was like but my me the vulnerability of me making videos. I was actually gonna say that you're really, but that maybe that's your thing. I said it's been very therapeutic for me. I can go back, I wrote something down recently in my journal that really was impactful. And one was that I was sort of creating this living record now the two and a half years. And I can go back and look and see the evolution of my own healing in that time. Like you can see when I was in bad places. and where I'm at today, sort of that evolution of the realization that I needed, I had to do the work. And I started that journey, not that I haven't been on the damn journey my whole fucking life, but this journey, I finally found another road. I'm on a different road. Yeah, yeah, I like that, I like that, yeah. Life is a journey forever from beginning to end. And what I always say, some of my videos I end with, so just enjoy the fucking. because the ride never stops, right? But you can take turns and life does. It takes us in turns and hills and valleys and all that. But what I realized when you were saying is that I am very, I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable. It's a practice actually of being vulnerable because prior to that, especially when I was in my, before I left my corporate job, Boy, I couldn't have been, like, I can see where people thought I was unapproachable because I'm such a guarded person. I'm so jaded. I've seen so much bad in the world, right? Especially as an investigator and then just the stuff I've been through. But being vulnerable, I think the difference for me, just sitting here talking through it, because it was sort of this aha moment of like, think about how vulnerable you are just putting these videos out, is that I'm in control. That's the difference. I feel like with, a therapist, they're leading a lot of times the conversations and I get to be in control, I lead. And I think that's why it makes it not feel so vulnerable because I'm probably a control freak for a lot of reasons just because that's what I feel like has allowed me to survive 51 years. You know, so anyway, yeah, I wanna go back to something you, dude, what? I have to touch on this for you with therapy, okay? Because I need to tell you, I control my whole therapy. I'm not trying to convince you, I just think this is funny. When I go in, so my therapist, and my therapists don't really know what to do with me, right? Because, and they do, like, they actually love having me be a client because they say maybe three words the whole time. Like, I've never, so I go in and I just start talking, whatever I want, and I'm like, the whole time I'm really, and it's almost exactly what you do in your videos now that I think about it, because honestly, like, my therapist being there is almost incidental. in that I need a witness. Like it really is having a witness, but then also having a reflection back. Cause think about this, right? So you make a video, so fascinating. And let's say I watch it, okay? Now I happen to be very self -aware. You probably have a lot of self -aware watchers, but let's just say I am the one watching it at this moment, right? And I make a comment and you read it and it's about what you said. And it actually makes you think about something. You're like, huh, you know what? And now you're reflecting upon it. That is exactly the same thing that would have happened in therapy. you're just doing it on video, right? So I think like it's, when you think about what we're talking about here, it's really like the therapeutic process is about saying the words and then being able to either have them reflected back at you or having things pulled out or so on so that you can then go back and reflect on them. So it's almost like you don't necessarily, and I, it's just so interesting because I personally find it difficult. So I find it difficult to record a video. So if I'm to sit and do a video right now, like Slim Sherry, that would terrify the fuck out of me. But you want me to go live or get on stage in front of 25 ,000 people? Yeah, no problem. I'm not scared at all. So I get more afraid when there is nothing on the other side, right? And so I think it's really interesting. And I wonder if it's like a reflection of our own personal traumas and like our own life experiences in terms of what, how we are comfortable being vulnerable and where and when we consider ourselves to be safe. That is interesting that you. You're not the only person I've ever heard say that that's terrifying to them to make like a make a video and have nobody on the other side where for me, I can do both. I can stand in front of a crowd of 25 ,000 people and I've always been able to get on stage and speak and video just seems so, I don't know, it just seems so natural for me to just record. And now we've just trailed off as I promised, it has trailed off. And now you're going to just have to wait because there is an actual part two for this. There's a part two and it goes on and we've talked some even more and there's gonna be more because let me tell you when Sherri and I start talking, like I said, we don't stop. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to make sure that you like this video, that you subscribe to the YouTube channel, that you subscribe to all of whatever podcast platform you're listening to is on, subscribe to it. And then you'll be notified when the next episode of The Real Slim Sherri and Vanessa goes up. to make a list. You've got special powers though.
