Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
We all deserve a life of joy and fulfillment, but for many of us that joy feels elusive. We've checked off all the boxes and done all the the things that the blueprint of life says should make us happy, and yet - no joy. Turns out, being happy isn't about following society's blueprint, but about creating our own blueprint for what we want out of our lives and taking action to make that happen. For us to embrace that opportunity, we first have to let go of other people prescriptions for our life choices, and build trust in our own inner compasses. That journey was hard and long for me, but it doesn't have to be. Join me as we explore and build an exciting future based on what YOU want, and how YOU feel inside, unlock a life of joy and fulfillment, and release yourself of the guilt of not enough.
Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
The Healing Power of Touch: Discovering Alternative Therapies with Sara Jane Wellock
In this conversation, Sarah Jane Wellock discusses the importance of using different modalities to heal trauma and the power of listening to our bodies. She shares her experiences with various practices, such as the Living Blog and caress, which involve writing, movement, and self-stimulation. Sarah Jane emphasizes the need to lower our walls and barriers, trust our bodies, and release judgment. She also highlights the significance of creating a safe space for ourselves and others. Overall, the conversation explores the messy and nonlinear nature of healing and the importance of self-care.
TAKEAWAYS
- Using different modalities can help individuals work through trauma and experiences.
- Listening to our bodies and trusting their wisdom is essential for healing.
- Creating a safe space for ourselves and others is important for personal growth.
- Lowering our walls and barriers can reduce judgment and increase awareness.
- Healing is a messy and nonlinear process that requires self-care and self-compassion.
CONNECT WITH ME MORE AT:
http://www.stopshoulding.me
https://www.instagram.com/minessa.konecky/
🎵 Thank you to Karacter for allowing me to use Telepathy (2005) in my intro.
This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
👉 Check it out: https://karacter.bandcamp.com/album/karacter
first let me just go with thank you, like I've had like the weirdest fucking month, and when I I burst into tears. But I'll tell you something as I've been preparing for this conversation, I realized that there was a reason for this. Like, like cause I was actually. I was reading, well, I was watching some of your, some of your other interviews and things like that and cause I there's just. You know, I said to you that your message is so important and in, in watching some of your older interviews and other conversations that you've had with people, you know, I think that something that I don't think I fully appreciated the first time we talked, but since now I've recently gone through my own again. You know, you have PTSD, trauma happens, then things trigger and then it's like a whole you know thing I realized that one of the things that I think is so important is that you use a lot of different modalities, a lot of different ways of engaging with people but really to help us as individuals work through traumas and experiences and things that we've been holding on to that maybe we don't necessarily need to hold on to, and I don't think I fully appreciated the depth of what that is until, again. You know, when we met last time, I was sort of like healed. I was like, oh, I'm doing better now, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:And then you go back into that space and then you're like so I'd like to ask a question of you, like, in terms of healing, like you've done so many different things. The question I have is is when you were first starting, so, let's say, like thinking back to your initial healing journey, because we've been on much of us, but we've been on many of them, right, um, do you feel like? Um, we are conditioned from youth to feel like there's like a fast way to get through this and like there's one or there's like one solution, but that really like it's a, that's the, it's like a mess of things that come together to heal us, right like? I'm curious to know that evolution within, since you've seen both the micro and the macro. Interesting reason why it's so important, I think is because a lot, and why I was so glad that you're willing to do it, is that so many people right now are suffering from so much trauma in the world trying to heal, and I don't know that any of the things that we've been doing have been working for us anymore.
Speaker 1:For a lot of people, you know, like I've hearing that a lot like I've been doing x, I've been doing y and therapy for x number of years. You know, and like, for me, what I realized was that it's a conglomerate. It's a conglomeration of things like there's somatic movement, there's therapy. You talk about poetry and diary and journaling, like you do a lot of different things, but you're also so gentle about it, like and that's, I think, one of the things that has struck me the first, the even. But OK, I'm going to gush about you a little bit. So like you're gentle but like you're so strong and bold at the same time Right, like I saw you on your standup comedy and like you're on stage being very gentle in your talk but at the same time, like I can see the iron in you right, like it's so interesting and I feel like that must take a lot of work to get there, to get to that point where you can be, feel strong but also be soft at the same time.
Speaker 2:No, it's funny and maybe I shouldn't repeat myself, because I just was on a podcast the other day and somebody was asking me about Ladybug because that's the umbrella under which many of my offerings exist and I was talking about Ladybugs and how they're like delicate and people see them as lucky and beautiful and yet they're also little, fierce creatures and they can help with pests in the garden and they kind of gather together and commune. So, yeah, I think that exists in me, it probably exists in all of us, that gentle side, and then the fierce quality you know, I feel like I would, I would argue for like.
Speaker 1:For a lot of us, I think it's difficult to not become hardened, right, and so like. As you start to like, you know, so like, you're, like trauma over the years, you just kind of get that hard outer shell and then it's tough to like, open it up and like and we only like I remember only seeing it as two possibilities, right, either I was hardened and let nobody in, or like I let people in and they destroyed me.
Speaker 2:Right, I never saw like this, this other side, that you could be soft and also stuff that's super interesting, and the question you just asked me before was also super interesting, so I don't know where. Yeah, let's go back to the question.
Speaker 1:Let's go back to it.
Speaker 2:But I was saying it felt like we were just dying into the middle of the ocean with that amazing question about are we conditioned? I think you asked, but is that the word you used?
Speaker 1:Yeah, are we conditioned or do we asked? But is that the word you used? Yeah, are we conditioned or do we like?
Speaker 2:we just assume the way it is right is that I do the thing or I like I'm looking for the solution, whereas the solution may actually be multifaceted yeah and yeah and and you were mentioning that I've looked at many different modalities, as is probably true for many of us uh and yeah, I guess there is that thing where it's like, oh, there must be one thing that could solve this, and then maybe that idea evolves over time. I think really, there's also an idea that it's supposed to be clean and neat, and fucking messy.
Speaker 1:It is so messy, I, you know, I agree. I think we do feel like it's like it's linear right, that it's like okay, I'm gonna do this, this is this, and now I feel good and I'm like when, and I've never, I've never done that, I've never done this, this and this, and then felt good it's dynamic, it's chaotic, and what?
Speaker 2:if that's okay and that's making me think of orgasm, mom, you know what is that?
Speaker 1:that that's okay, like what, if it doesn't have to be a linear, neat, pristine process I, you know, and I would argue that like we've been like we doesn't need to be, like there's something um, what's the word freeing in not having it need to be so neat and tidy, like I almost feel like at some point oh, you know what, okay, I'm gonna go into some weird shit here I feel like okay, so here's what I feel, like at some point I'm going all the way back to like Puritans here. There's like a right and a good, right and neatness is right and good, and this is right and good, and a clean healing process is right and good, right. So if and I know that this sounds weird just saying it, but I know, as I'm saying it, that this is what I believed at some point right and like, and if it's not done cleanly, right and good, then we feel like there's something wrong with us almost yeah, and and what if that's just not the case?
Speaker 2:and it's making me also think about nature and how messy and wild nature can be, and what if we can emulate that in our processes? Like I just I'm so lucky I live in the middle of manhattan and I happen to have a private backyard. It's like that's amazing. It's amazing, and I had trees and I was out there like sleeping today and I was just like looking at all these interesting things that had fallen from the trees and and that is what creates such beauty in nature it's willingness to be chaotic and wild and free. And what if we could allow that to exist in our healing process, without thinking there's a right and a wrong and a good and a bad? That's an idea. The right, wrong, good, bad is an idea for a passive consciousness that I love. What if there is no right or wrong or good or bad? Just shouldn't? Creation? And what if everything's a choice? And choice creates and I always say this, but I just build those two words together Choice creates.
Speaker 1:It's like oh baby, it really is. That actually is so interesting, because I always I think about choice is like the big thing, like I can, for example, get like really angry when someone says something, but then I have a choice in terms of how I respond, right, so, and then my choice creates whatever future. It is that like. So I snap at this person. Well, my future is now created for the next 25 minutes. Right, I don't, and I choose to breathe in and just recognize this is my own shit, that I need to deal with. And again, now I've created it for 25 minutes and maybe anger is required sometimes.
Speaker 2:Anger is required sometimes anger is required.
Speaker 1:Right, and definitely I've been in a situation where anger is required, but I was thinking specifically of times where like I, like, I'm like I'm I, where I tend to get like overwhelmed, and then I'm like, yeah, right, and like it's a lash out and I know that that's, it's childlike, and so I work on that right to like and so I don't that often, but unless I'm sleepy, and then it's like a bratty child, it's really good to bed. Um, but that's what I was thinking about is like, really, uh, but also, again, like you said, making the choice to, if you're angry, saying the thing feeling that you talked about this in your um with, in your video with, uh, peter, and I thought that Peter, yeah, and I thought that was really interesting about letting it work through your body. Can you talk a little bit about that, about like anger and like like how it works that way?
Speaker 2:yeah. So anger, friend, again from an access consciousness perspective, and people can check out access consciousness at accessconsciousnewscom um I, but um they. They see when anger shows up there's a lie attached. You lied that we're telling ourselves um, or a lie someone else is telling us, or a lie in condition to believe is true, mm-hmm. And it's also known in that model as the distractor. As far as all of like, the emotions and and what else is possible that we can tap into other ways of of being. Like you said, we can become aware and we can make a choice and tap into other ways of being, but certainly, sometimes, perhaps that aggressive, fierce quality is required. And again, thinking of nature, she's just like yo get out of my way, bitches, look at that.
Speaker 2:Right out here, yeah, and like that's pretty interesting and amazing. And then sometimes she's so gentle when you're like looking into a. I remember being on a meditation retreat and looking into this desert flower and there was a bee in the flower and it's so cliche and yet it was so. It was like, oh my goodness, how can nature be so cliche and yet it was so amazing. It's like, oh my goodness, how can nature be so beautiful and delicate and intricate? Um, so it's all that.
Speaker 1:You know, I uh was. I went to a conference recently in hawaii and the the person who, uh, the keynote speaker was is a wayfinder and she lives out on the ocean most of a lot of the year and, um, she was, she showed. They have videos of like the ocean, things that you only see in the middle of the ocean and like. There's like pristine and quiet days, and then there's like the violent days, and some of the violent days don't even look very violent, like they look fine, but the swell of the ocean is so much that it takes them totally off course. But if you look at it just from the camera, it looks fine, it's like and um you know.
Speaker 1:so you said something about a lie and I think that's so interesting because, you know, sometimes, sometimes I feel like the lie is like just denial too right, like it's something that's scratching, and you're like, oh, I don't want to. My wife and I were talking about those times where you're reading like a book, where it's like a self-help book, or you're maybe listening to a podcast where somebody's saying something and they say something in particular, like maybe inner child work or whatever, and you're like I don't need that shit and you put it down.
Speaker 2:And then it's like oh, oh, what's in that? Yeah, yeah, I think anywhere where we're thinking I think you might be the operative word that we gotta turn something up or turn down our awareness or close something out, there's probably something to it I think that's probably so, going to, um, you know, your uh, you, your uh, living blog and some of the other.
Speaker 1:Now, actually, let's, let's talk a little about that. So, uh, sarah jane does a lot, okay, so we talked about access consciousness. Uh, now let, and then uh, and we'll probably, we'll definitely come back to that because, like, we're just you know, we're gonna go all over the place, but you also have a living, a living blog that you talked about and, um, and you talked a little bit about it in your video with peter, which I'll have. I'll share the link because it was a really great video but, um, where you talk about how you, um, you write the diary and then you'll perform the day, but there's movement and stuff to where you're moving those things through the body. Can you tell me a little bit about why it's so important to move these things through the body? Like, what does that do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so LadyBug has multiple different offerings, some of which I created and some are other people's modalities that I've been trained to facilitate. So the living love was my creation and I basically write a diary entry, read it and then hear it, typically with erotic movement, and then other people in the audience get to do that too.
Speaker 2:now you have them write something in that moment, and then right, it's all spontaneous because I know for me and my ocd and my perfectionist sometimes, that, um, the the inclination to go back and edit and edit and edit can, can get in your way. Yeah, that's great, it's a spontaneous process. I write the entry in the morning, I perform it on a stage of the evening, I pair it with erotic movement and, yes, um, and then and then every be office to do it. So we take, you know, 30, 40 minutes to write, read and move.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, it's, I think it's the body's wisdom, um, to allow ourselves to move anything through the body. It's such a beautiful, amazing way to release any toxic energy or anything. That's like stirred up To me whenever I like go to a dance class or swim or take a walk or even just want to become really aware of my breath and I'm sort of moving through that and it makes such a difference. Yeah, it's like listening to the body and her amazing awareness, like and yet most of the time, like you meant, they're just like a tuning out or there's like a wrong, bad. And what if we could just listen to our bodies? They're so infinitely wise.
Speaker 1:I've been thinking about this a lot lately, about listening to your body and how I don't feel, like I definitely know that Like it's something I, it's a practice, right. So when I was in practice, it made a difference, like as you were talking about like breathing, and it's funny, I actually literally did was in practice. It made a difference, like as you were talking about like breathing, and it's funny, I actually literally did a TikTok video about this this morning was, yeah, about just breathing, because you know what I've started to feel and I like it's weird because, oh, like over the last year, so I've started to like feel energy moving, right, so like I feel like when I am in the zone and my energy is like here, right, and so it means that every piece of energy that I have is it looks like a funnel, like an alien head right, almost coming off my body, but it's nowhere anywhere here, right? So there's things going on in here that I'm not even feeling pain, whatever it is hunger, I got to pee, I just I don't know any of it, right?
Speaker 1:If I don't hear it, I don't feel it, and um, and then, like you said, you take that deep breath and now I realize I'm not sitting up, I'm not letting gravity hold my weight Right, and it is so important because, like it, almost like just not letting gravity hold my weight, for example, is hurting my back Right. So if I just sit down on the gravity hold my weight. So do you find that in these exercises where you're like, when you do these, uh, your living blog, do you find that people find a new way of listening to their body or like, is it? How does that? What kind of experiences do people have in terms of the mind body connection?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd say, in any of the offerings that I provide, usually there's a bodily component, because I just think our bodies are so smart, a lot of time either tuning them out or judging them. And what if we listened? And I was looking at your Instagram and looking at like before agreements and that you came up with other arrangements that you prefer, and part of that was listening to your body. Yeah, and there I think that's amazing. And yes, all of the practices essentially that I offer involve listening, and listening without judgment or conclusion, and I think in so doing, you can change your whole life. You can change whatever situation is coming up if you so choose, and you can change your whole way of operating, because we kind of end up in a default setting of of judgment or you know, chronic worry about the if a pain shows up.
Speaker 2:It's not like buddy, that's that. It's like oh my god, what's that? It's cancer have to walk with a can or whatever we decide is gonna happen? And what if we just oh, thanks, body, thanks for that information. I think that can change our whole. I think that can change our whole existence.
Speaker 1:That is so. It is so true, like judgment. I feel like judgment is our default state and not just like for. It's like for everything, right Like. I've started to notice how much and I'm just going to make numbers up here 100% of the people I know, so it's not 100. They're going to go for at least 99.
Speaker 1:Talk about themselves in a really negative way, right, yeah, it's usually judgment of ourselves, judgment of ourselves. I don't mean even judgment of others. I'm talking about ourselves, right Like. We judge ourselves like so harshly and in silence of our minds, I think, which makes it worse because once you write it down, you have to face it, see it, deal with it, right, but it's usually just that monologue in our heads. So I'm interested now, actually.
Speaker 1:So you have, let's go into the next one caress, right, where there's, and I'll let you share a little bit about what that is. But because I want to ask a question about caress, because something I've been thinking about a lot is the need for us, our body, to be touched, even if by ourselves, right Like, and I feel like we don't do that as much anymore. There's articles all over the place to talk about how people are not having as much sex, there's not a lot of touching happening, and I feel like that's creating a trauma in and of itself. Right, and then can you tell me a little bit about that and then dive into caress a little bit about what that, what that, what the purpose of that was and how that impacts people?
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, I think touch is such a beautiful option and now most of us have two hands not everyone, but a lot of people have two hands and can, or at least one hand, and and you can touch yourself, and that can make all the difference as well. Maybe your wrists are sore because you're like texting or typing, you know, just give your wrists a massage, like what you said, is awesome, just like giving ourselves. That touch can be so profound and, of course, receiving it from others can be amazing as well. I mean, it's another thing that I incorporated in most of my practices. So, yes, caress is specifically about self-stimulation and it started. It used to be for people with a clitoris only and we literally stroke our clitoris during the practice and maybe about two years into it we started opening the doors for everybody and it's basically a meditation where I lead people through a self-stimulation practice, where I lead people through a self-stimulation practice, and it started about three years ago and it's been an amazing contribution. I can speak for myself that it's really contributed to my transformations. And then, of course, I hear that from clients as well.
Speaker 2:I literally believe I healed. You know, I got a Cree cancer diagnosis. I think that healed through caress, through access, consciousness, through a dietary switch. I've been more. You know it's almost an eye roll how much we hear like you've got to love yourself and really spending time with yourself while being in communion with others and in community with your body can really change things pretty dynamically in terms of not only how we interact with ourselves but also the world and with other people, like it's uh, essential, I say, to self-touch and self-suicide touch. And yet, as you're done, probably not many people's default setting. I mean they may touch in different ways, but not that you know intentional loving, nurturing, whatever's required. Maybe it's a firm massage, maybe it's a light touch. It's just not something people tend to necessarily practice and it can be sent to you to contribution. Just you know, and that's something you can do, you know you can practice to older, you can grab your stovetop or whatever.
Speaker 1:You know exactly now like I could, we could sit and rub ourselves, which I do a lot. Uh, you know I spin. Rubbing myself is because it's how I self-soothe, so and it's funny, before I knew I was autistic, I didn't actually understand that that's what I was doing, and then now I know, so I just kind of like lean into it. You know you said something about judgment. I want to come back to that. I want to tie a couple of things in. Let's loop back a little bit to. You were talking about your clients in terms of releasing themselves with judgment and so on. So, in the bigger picture conversation about releasing ourselves with judgment, I'm curious to know, like when you work with clients, what are some of the because? Like, what we're talking about now and this is what I love about you right Is like I really love the unexpected. I love it when people are doing things that challenge what we think about, as whatever it is that we think like in in, like so for my audience, this is something totally new and I love that because it's like dude, have you ever thought about this before? You know, and it's it. And so, whatever the reason why I think it's important is because so many of us rush to judgment of ourselves, right, and we don't believe.
Speaker 1:And when we think about self-care, right, you were saying an eye roll with self-care and self-love and that does exist. Because you know I don't want to say it like this because people, self-care is massages, but you know what Massages are. Self-care, like it's really fucking good. I need like no knocking that. But like, are you in that moment saying to yourself, like when you're getting the massage, are you really like owning and saying I'm doing this, like I am, I love you, I care about you? Or like, do you find with your clients that initially they're like doing the thing, but that inner, like phantom working, phantom judgment, phantom stuff is still there and I'm curious to know how do you recommend that? People kind of like what is, what are some of the activities that help massage people out of that space?
Speaker 2:No, that's interesting, I mean, I think at first it still exists, even when we're practicing something different. And yet just the awareness that we're, you know, self judging, or that we're rushing through something, or that, you know, rather than giving yourself a gentle or a firm grip, you're like digging your nails into your flesh, just having the awareness of what we're doing can also be different, and that can come with different embodied practices, that can come with caress, that can come with, which is kind of like a form of meditation we are still stimulating. There is a sense of an orgasmic state, and it's a form of meditation that's like cultivating this awareness of all of our body's responses, and just that awareness can be a contribution. And the awareness awareness without judgment or conclusion, again, not like oh, no, you know I'm doing it again and I'm wrong in bet, but just like oh, here it is, you know. Thank you for that information. And and what else is possible does?
Speaker 1:that make? Yeah, absolutely, and I think you know, with something like caress specifically. You know, because that I agree with you like self stimulation is very meta because it's hard to like. I found my, you know you get distracted, right, but eventually you start to get to a space like just like any meditation, where initially you're like going here, you're going there, whatever, and then eventually you start to get into like the and I think it helps because it is, you know, such a powerful feeling physically as well, that it does help to create that sort of and I think the other thing, that is, it's almost like the only way out is through whatever it is Like you know it's. I often find that I and this was also in your I just loved your conversation with Peter where you talked about everybody should listen to that full thing. It's like super great Shit. Hold on, we were talking about. What was I just saying? Seriously, I looked down at Peter and then I lost Just say were we saying right before that we're talking about? Uh?
Speaker 2:he said meditation. It's a meditation that'll touch me. I think you were gonna maybe reference a personal story, were you or?
Speaker 1:no, I was gonna reference something he said specifically because I thought it was super interesting, related to um getting stuck in your own head and then, I don't know, it'll come back again, it'll come back again. But I was like, oh, but it was a very good one, um, so, uh, shit, now I will come back around, um, you're good, so okay, yeah, so the question he he brought up is something totally different. Just to like something that I had that I was curious about is I? I thought this was really interesting, right, he was talking about how, because I, you know, when you were on the, I said watch your comedy that you sent me and it was, and it was great.
Speaker 1:And you were like I said, you were gentle but strong, and I and I and it didn't occur to me in that moment how many stages you'd actually already been on, how many things like it's this point, you know that you've worked. And you said something about whether or not someone shows up. You do the practice, yeah, and I thought that was really interesting because I think for a lot of people, right, he was saying how if you go to a comedy show and there's a comedian talking, then you're all there for the comedy show. So we're all together. We know you're supposed to be funny and I'm supposed to laugh and we're all we're in there together, right, but you're doing this event whether somebody shows up or not, and so that takes a lot of pressure off, right, so that people can. And I find that to be like when you started, that was that scary for you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think you must be referring to Living Live in Cairo. I used to do it down the street. There was a theater and a basement and I would go and clean the theater and then perform and I would do all of the pieces, went to the back to turn on the music, to do the lighting and, yeah, sometimes there were people and sometimes there weren't, and I just had a commitment that I was going to do this regardless. Do it, I think that's. I know it was Fridays at one o'clock or something, so maybe you're an hour and I was going to do this regardless. So, if there was no one in the audience, if there was one person, if there were 25, I was going to do it. And I think that level of commitment it is helpful. But that's again not to make anyone rather bad. If you don't commit to something, that's fine too.
Speaker 2:Like, um, I, for me, I like a, a daily practice, or I like the consistent practice, yeah, and and for me that the, the modalities that I've developed, whether it's the Living Blog or Caress, I do them regularly, not only for my clientele but for myself. Right, it's really a benefit. So at that time I was doing the Living Blog, like as a lunch hour thing every week in that theater I also Caress typically takes place just to be so witty about it when you typically do it on the new moon and the full moon, and then we also have consecutive day practices and I really like that for me and my body. I like that consistency, like I like to you to just rely on. Okay, I know this is coming up, I know this is happening.
Speaker 2:I especially like the daily interaction the daily practices, because it's just like it's a way to show up regularly for others and for myself, and to see how unique each day unfolds. You know, like there's certain yoga practices where you do the exact same poses every day and yet they feel so different. Yeah, yeah, we show up differently each day and and the same is true for caress it's like when there's a consecutive day practice and we're showing up each day to, to, to do this together. It's like some days maybe orgasm is flying, or some days maybe I'm really caught up in my head and it's just like doing it no matter what, and so doing it with the living body. It was like doing it whether or not there was an audience, um, but any other daily practice practice, it's showing up for yourself regardless.
Speaker 1:I think that's the I think for many of us. I think that's the challenge. You know, it's interesting, like it's all about accountability, almost right. Like you have these events. You're like I'm going to do this, so I'm going to have this event in public and then that'll make sure I'm and it's.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about my I go live now on, I used to go live every Monday um years ago when I was a marketing coach and a business coach and I would basically go live every Monday and then it actually ended up becoming an everyday thing. Because some people were like, oh, we want this every day. Uh, that it just became to me too much. But, um, but I did it because I wanted to start my Mondays off positively right. Like I was tired of starting my Mondays off like just Monday, I don't like Mondays. And so I was like, okay, you know what, I'm just going to go live on Mondays and now I have to have a good attitude.
Speaker 1:So I started going live so that I would start the Monday with like enthusiasm and happiness and joy. And then you know, that just became what I did, but that was years and years ago, as I now I'm doing it again, but it's about, like you said, the practice, because you know, I feel like we do the thing and then we're like, oh, I'm healed. And then we stop doing the thing and then we're like, shit, we have to do the thing again and it's very intense yeah, and and what if that's okay?
Speaker 2:I mean, what if that is part of the whole process, like, what if it is?
Speaker 1:messy. I mean, for me it pretty, is my wife it's interesting when she gets her mind set on something, track this and have it built right in Awesome. But for me it's messy, yeah, and cool. I think that it goes back to that's what I've been working on right now. So I am seeing I knew there was a reason. We did this now again because, like that's the thing I think that we're we're so hyper fixated on judgment again because we're so, like I think, we're so busy judging ourselves Right. So, like the, that releasing every so often of your judgment of yourself just creates more opportunities for you to stop judging other people totally, there's space beside.
Speaker 2:Yeah, also an excess consciousness. Sorry if I'm jumping all over the place, but I am too with adhd man.
Speaker 1:I'm just all over the place okay, amazing.
Speaker 2:I think that's a superpower, so that's awesome. Um, but an idea of like you, we could do it together now, just lowering your walls and your barriers and just you know exactly how to do that.
Speaker 2:Just lowering your walls and your barriers, slowing your walls and your barriers. The idea of being that and that for me helps me kind of reduce judgment. I kind of immediately got in touch with myself and I kind of I'm just like, oh, I don't have to be um the defensive, yeah, and I think of like rigid stick can break really easily where a piece of string is more valuable. Um, and I just, yeah, just the practice of lowering your walls and your barriers, like what if we don't have to be in our armor all the time, especially against ourselves?
Speaker 1:have you found? And actually speaking to that? Actually, because when I was, actually, I was conversation with luca stella the other day and they were. The conversation was about and I'll be on a later podcast but it was about safety in the workplace, right, and like how a lot of people at work, you know, we'll say, oh, work is like a family, work is like a family. And I said I don't subscribe to that at all. And we had actually a really interesting conversation where I changed my mind. But and here's what happened, right, they said, listen, you spend. And I actually expected them to be like totally on board with that. Oh, yeah, I don't. And they were like, no, it absolutely should be like your family, you spend all your time with these people, and so on. And so I said, ok, I was like, but it's not safe for many people to think that their corporations or their their family, because, like, they don't have that same thing back, and so what was interesting is that they said that.
Speaker 1:So we came to this conclusion that what it is is is you want your work to be like your family, and so you want to find a place where it is safe for you to feel that way. So what you're suggesting? You know opening up is um is scary, right, if you're not in a safe space. So I'm curious to know have you, over the years, curated your circle so that you are like surrounded by people, or do you find that you are safe in which to open up or cause? I mean, you do this in public too. So it's not entirely safe, like you're creating the safe space for other people, but like you yourself are the one out there bringing this all down. So I'm interested, I'm interested in how have you navigated that space of safety for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I. It did not always be the saddest for me. I often felt unsafe and and that has changed quite a bit I it's a rare occasion in these days that I feel unsafe, even though I'm five foot two woman in New York City. Maybe other people like me feel less safe. I think it was for me access consciousness that helped me make that shift where, that shift where and this could be a little out there, but they're like would you be willing to receive everything and lower your walls and your barriers?
Speaker 2:So, even so, there's like a really benign example. Say, you're in, like in a store and somebody's like really pushing a product on you, like the inclination might be to put up your walls and your barriers, the person might keep pushing, whereas if you just and it's energetic and it can be conveyed through language as well if you just lower your walls and your barriers, the person relents. It's really fascinating to witness and to experience, and so I think in the past I was always in a state of like I was saying defense myself and everyone else and fear and lack of safety, even though I was still doing my best professionally to co-create that for others. Now I typically feel safe. And if there's ever a question, I find a way to get into a safe place, and sometimes it's just working with my own body, lowering my walls and my barriers. I might have that inclination to put them up.
Speaker 2:Okay, let me lower my walls and my barriers. What am I aware of? Um, and, and knowing that we also and this is another idea from access consciousness, we pick up on the thoughts, feelings and emotions of all the people around us. So what am I picking up on? You know what collective concept or what other person's thing am I? Am I am I picking up on? And what can I do different? And is this even mine? And if it's not mine, I can return to sender.
Speaker 1:And that has been so powerful for me. The return to sender it's not always yours.
Speaker 2:In fact, it's probably usually not ours right, we're just like buying into the thoughts, feelings and emotions and and access, not just and this is not the only modality that says that. I mean, buddhism says that as well that we're picking up on other people and other ideas, and whether it's our mom in childhood or our uncle or our cousin or, you know, our friends or the collective, it's like what, if we can know this, that it's not ours. So you know, for me, I think, when I used to feel so unsafe, perhaps I was picking up on other people around me, or perhaps I was picking up on a former version of myself, but now I typically have a sense of safety and I think in creating that for that, in creating that for oneself, it's helpful. You know, it's perhaps easier to cultivate it for other people.
Speaker 1:Not that I have the power necessarily to do that, but I I do my best and and helping create those spaces for everyone well, I think that I mean, like you know, in the end, of course each individual we all have to like our own sense of safety is our own, but at the same time, like, there's environments in which safety you know, in the end, of course each individual we all have to like our own sense of safety is our own, but, at the same time, like, there's environments in which safety you know, where you create a feeling like, okay, I'm safe here.
Speaker 1:So for you know, like I've got, I've been to events like conventions or whatever, where everything's fine, everything's absolutely fine, but I don't feel particularly safe in that event. You know, and I just know that I'm gonna have to just keep my mask on, like my physical mask, my emotional mask. Everything has to be right, um and like, and what I'm trying to work for myself is is recognizing again, like, okay, if you're physically unsafe, then can we move out of it, but if, like this is something that's going on within me, what can I do to kind of like, massage that out?
Speaker 2:I and that's I, I'm pleased yeah, and like that idea that we were mentioning earlier, like I think okay, so maybe you're gaining some awareness like what is that? Rather than I think sometimes our inclination I'm not saying this is true for you is like you shut it out, like, oh, I don't want to be aware of this, or you know, oh for I have done that for sure at points in my life and we get freaked out by things.
Speaker 2:And what if it could just be like oh shoot, what am I aware of here? Like maybe this is, maybe I need to leave, or maybe I need to take a job home, or you know what I mean. Like rather than walk, or like we're so aware, like maybe you're actually just aware and it's not something to shut out or to make wrong. Maybe you're actually just aware and it's not something to shut out or to make wrong.
Speaker 1:I think that that is sort of like. The central thing really for many of us is that we are aware we trust our like, but we don't trust our bodies as much as we would like to because, honestly, of years, of the voices of like you're and this is wrong, do this, oh, you know, whatever it is, you know I don't want to hug. Let him hug you. He's your uncle, right? That kind of thing Like those make you question your own gut instincts and, like you said, it's almost like a trauma healing thing, right Cause, like you know, initially, you're, you know, I know for myself what you said is true. I denied it. You just push it down, you don't deal with it, everything's fine, everything's fine, right, and. But then you eventually decide or you don't, but you decide. I personally decided that I don't want to live like that, right.
Speaker 2:So now you have to like consciously, unwrap your tension, really tension, from around a bowl that's awesome, yeah, instead of, like so many people do, of like shoving it out and I'm sure we've all done that once in our lives and it's like listening can be such a contribution, even if it's like ways that what you're, you know, your breath, listening to your breath or listening like you know am I not meant to be in this convention? Or or, hey, you know this, I have this pain. What is this? That's huge.
Speaker 1:I love this. Okay, so now you know, as I realized, like, I just looked at the clock and we're already like 45 minutes. I'm like holy shit, how did that happen? So, okay, I want to make sure that people know how to find you, where to find you and how you help them. So, uh, it's probably gonna be at the beginning, because I gotta just dove into the very end. Hello everyone, and welcome to the stop shitting all over yourself podcast. I'm here, uh, with sarah jane wellock. Welcome, welcome, uh. Actually, this is the end, guys, I'm just being silly here, uh, but now I'm going to put that part at the beginning. But tell us where we can find you, please tell us. I mean, we talked about a lot of different things. So what I'd love is if you shared the thing that you want to share with people and like in terms of this is where you find me, and that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean, there's so many places to find me, which could be confusing. I main site is ladybugcalendarcom and that through the ladybug calendar you can see what's happening and all the different things I offer.
Speaker 1:So, depending on when this will go up I'm next week- this is like I'm literally editing, recording it next week like I, because I I held this week, so I've already done all the graphics with your number on it and I was like I don't want to re-edit amazing.
Speaker 2:So I'm considering a 31 day caress practice for May, because it's a national masturbation month.
Speaker 1:Fabulous, I didn't know we had a national masturbation month.
Speaker 2:Yes, so people can find me at caressme thelivingblognet.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's so many the links are all going to be in the show notes, so don't you worry. So actually I just realized are you starting it on beltane? Because my wife just sent me an invitation for beltane, which is she calls it, that's our sex holiday. So she's like it's the sex holiday, that's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not official yet, but I think I'm gonna do it, um I I keep getting at this yeah, no, no, I got, you got okay.
Speaker 1:So well, I will make sure this will be up well before then. So everybody sign up. You are a psychologist. I tell you things, to make a list. You've got special powers, though. You make me scared, you make me go.
