Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
We all deserve a life of joy and fulfillment, but for many of us that joy feels elusive. We've checked off all the boxes and done all the the things that the blueprint of life says should make us happy, and yet - no joy. Turns out, being happy isn't about following society's blueprint, but about creating our own blueprint for what we want out of our lives and taking action to make that happen. For us to embrace that opportunity, we first have to let go of other people prescriptions for our life choices, and build trust in our own inner compasses. That journey was hard and long for me, but it doesn't have to be. Join me as we explore and build an exciting future based on what YOU want, and how YOU feel inside, unlock a life of joy and fulfillment, and release yourself of the guilt of not enough.
Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself
A Gentler Way to Happiness with Pascale Cook-Fernandes
Have you ever questioned your happiness? Ever felt as though, despite seemingly having it all, something was still missing? Join us and our open-hearted guest, Pascale Cook Fernandes, as we examine a heartfelt journey from the surface of perceived perfection to the depths of authentic self-discovery.
Pascale's experience as a stay-at-home mom with an idyllic lifestyle, yet experiencing a profound sense of lacking, evokes a universal conundrum. We dive deep into discussions around the influence of masculine and feminine energy on our lives, the societal stigmas and labels that can often hold us back, and the significance of embracing our unique blueprint. With topics ranging from gender and energetics to muscle testing as a tool for decision-making, we navigate the complexities and joys of self-understanding, all while sharing our personal encounters.
Embark on this exploration of personal expression, supportive friendships, overcoming fear, and embracing authenticity. Pascale gives us an inside look into her business, Women Finding Clarity, and shares about her podcast, The Happiness Workshop. Through the power of conversation and sincerity, we hope to inspire you to connect with your own authentic self. Join us as we ignite a spark for true happiness, one that starts from within and radiates out into the world around you.
CONNECT WITH ME MORE AT:
http://www.stopshoulding.me
https://www.instagram.com/minessa.konecky/
🎵 Thank you to Karacter for allowing me to use Telepathy (2005) in my intro.
This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
👉 Check it out: https://karacter.bandcamp.com/album/karacter
This is a Pascal cook Fernandez. I'm so excited to have her here. I've known you for a couple of years now, seeing you around the South Shore scene. We knew that we had this connection and we've been trying to find a time to meet and finally we're like we're doing this. We are doing this. So, pascal, welcome. Welcome to the Stop Shitting, allure yourself. Podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to be here. I remember meeting you for the very first time and actually we met over email right Because you were volunteering to do some interviews for the South Shore Conference for Women. And then I saw you last year at the South Shore Conference for Women and you showed up in your horns with your purple and I was like this person is killing it, Like you are winning life.
Speaker 1:You know the horns do a lot of the heavy lifting. Just saying like the winning of life happens a lot easier when you have horns to do the heavy lifting for you, because it's like you walk around and I mean Maleficent really carries it with our reputation though I think my head's gotten smaller because it doesn't look like it.
Speaker 2:Maybe you have less hair now, I don't know. It's true.
Speaker 1:And then you spoke last year too, right At the South Shore Conference yeah, Fabulous time. And then this year, both of us are on the board for the South Shore Conference for Women, so we're having a lot of opportunities to work together. And the thing that attracted me most about you is that your message is so. It's a message of happiness, and it's a message of joy, and it's a message and I feel like you know, in the world we live in today, there's so many more messages that are not that, and there's very and there's so many messages about like, this is what you're supposed to do and that's what you're supposed to do, but there's very few messages about.
Speaker 1:And you said this. I wrote this, actually put this in word, because I loved what you said so much. I wanted to say it. Like Romatim, you said my whole position is that true happiness comes from within and cannot be found in the external. It's so important to be selfish, because if you do not turn your gaze inward and cultivate a relationship with your true self, how can you ever have true happiness in this world? I'd love to learn more about that. Tell me more about where that came from.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and I just got chills listening to you read that, because it's one thing for you to hear yourself say your words, but for someone else to say them back to you, that's a gift, so thank you for that. First of all, I think really where it all comes from for me is I was living my rose-tinted glasses life right. I had the babies, I had the husband, I had the house, I had the things. I was a stay home mom, which I always wanted to be. And then one day it felt like out of the blue though in hindsight it wasn't my husband who came to me and said I'm not sure I want to be married anymore. I'm not sure if I'm still in love with you.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, surprise, surprise. I regained my composure, fast forward. We had lots of conversations and used outside resources and rebuilt our marriage back stronger than ever, thank goodness. But it was a long road and the thing that I learned through that is my life coach looked me dead in the eyes, like I'm looking at you right now on the screen, and said you have to prepare yourself for what life's going to be like if this doesn't work out and you get divorced. And I was like, wait, what? That's not what I'm here for. I'm here for you to fix it Right.
Speaker 2:And she said no, you have to prepare yourself. What's life going to look like if that happened? I had no idea and in that moment I realized with great shock again, it was because I didn't even know who I was anymore. So I was happy being a mom. I was happy being a wife. In retrospect, I wasn't happy being a wife because we weren't happy, but I was playing the role and so that felt happy to me. And so for her to say that like what do you want your life to be? No idea, enter introspection and so much heavy lifting.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, the heavy lifting, like what you just described is, like you know, we all have these moments in our lives. I feel like where we fall. It's like we think of them as a rock bottom moments, right, and hopefully you don't have too many of them, right, and you know, I can look back and say I've had about four or so, like probably that I come to mind immediately and I'm sure there's some that are like blocked, but you know, there's when I think about the last period of major growth, like when I think about, like my intentional change, growth. Oh my God, that moment that you're talking about, that happened for me in April of 2018. And you're describing something so painful, right, where it's like you, I feel like in when I think about it. Now, it's like we checked off the boxes. You know, like you were in mom, you had the house, you had the like, you checked off every box you were supposed to check. So, like now, here's your happiness, right, there you go, where and where is it? And I'm curious, you know, because, like your husband came to you and said this, so that was like the catalyst, because one of my coaches once said to me that people don't change until their lack of change has cost them enough. And so, like him coming to you and saying that was like the that's like, that's the costing enough, right. So now you almost had to look at your because ostensibly you're happy, right. But now you have this conversation and you're like, whoa, who the fuck? Am I Right? Which?
Speaker 1:Did you ever watch some kind of wonderful back in the 80s? You know the John Hughes movie? No, I never saw it. Can you believe that? Oh, my God, it's so good. But there's this. Eric Stoltz plays this angsty teenager. He's so angsty. You know John Hughes, and he's like I don't know how not to be me, you know, and it's so dramatic. And I remember I was like, yeah, yeah, I resonate with that. And when I was, what is it? Nine 2018,?
Speaker 2:so seven years ago.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't know how not to be me and I'm like my God, I'm like back to being an adolescent. So how? What was the journey like for you as you started to? Because, like you know, now you're like okay, who am I, what do I like, what do I even want and like? And then, of course, the question was you, do I Right? Like you go to because, like now, you're thinking about what you really want. What a powerful, difficult time for you. How did that, how did that kind of work you through your to the space where you realize what made you truly happy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. There was a lot of ups and downs and arounds and arounds, right, because we went to life coaching together, we went to therapy together, we went separately to those things. There was so much reflection on our relationship and talking about what we wanted together and separately. And you know, I don't even remember a point in time where it was like, ah, this is where it flipped and we started doing better. It just organically became because we started giving ourselves the time and attention that we needed and then we were able to focus on each other, right, because until he figured out his business and I figured out my business, we couldn't figure out our business together. And so, yeah, and it was painful and I remember, you know, we had three children at home and so there weren't a lot of intimate talks in front of the kids, like they knew we were going through something, we weren't happy, but we didn't want to unload everything on them.
Speaker 2:So we'd go for drives and I just remember drives where I would be crying. I remember one day we were driving and I was so frustrated and so angry and so whatever, and I just remember like hitting the top of the steering wheel while I was driving and I was just so exasperated Thank you that word trips me up every time, but that feeling does too and like at that moment I was like mm-hmm, and then it's almost like that shook up the energy again and then we could exhale and start to communicate again. So yeah, it was a series of shake it up, settle and communicate. Shake it up, settle and communicate until we started to pick up momentum in a positive direction.
Speaker 1:You know what's so powerful. I love how you describe that, because I've always struggled with describing sort of like the process of healing. But I think the most important thing we brought up, like throughout the whole conversation, was you guys started to talk about these things which I'll bet dollars to donuts. Before that, you guys probably were doing your own life things, you were taking care of the kids.
Speaker 1:Going here, like everybody's just living their life, going through the routine, and there's not a lot of time for conversation. You're just kind of trying to keep things going and like it's almost like you guys became friends, right, like you guys became friends again. You redeveloped your friendship and then like, and now, like you said, in the best place, it makes perfect sense because, like it's almost like, when you think about it, like we're kids when we first get together with you, know our partners and we grow up together a little bit. And then you got to reflect to figure out, okay, where we're at now. Do we want to grow together, right, or has this run its course? And like it sounds like that was where you were at that moment. And then you're like, wow, we really love each other. And like, yeah, keep doing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is totally worth going through. How for? But it's so better on the other end your trauma bond.
Speaker 2:We're so trauma, bonded, like we've decided that, no matter what happens from this point forward and I just need to caveat that by saying I do feel like we're in a better place than we've ever been before but no matter what happens from this point going forward, we're always going to be friends because we've been through some shit. Yeah right, and you know to your point, you do get together when you're younger, and then life happens and you just start to get involved in life. We got married, bought a house, had the kids, dad did that, all the things. I was a stay at home mom, volunteering in the schools, teaching CCD. He was at work an hour away, had a commute, and we literally were the best tag team partners there were.
Speaker 2:But we forgot how to be in a relationship romantically, yeah, right, and so I know that this sounds very much like, oh, she must be a relationship coach. I am not, but my point in, you know, kind of summarizing what you just said, is that we did all the things that we should do, right, and so we should get married. Okay, we're getting married. The next step we should buy a house. The next step it's time to start having babies. The next step, right.
Speaker 2:And so we did all the sheds and we're so focused on the sheds that we lost sight of who we were individually and of our relationship.
Speaker 1:And why you're even doing it almost in the first place, right, because it's like you know, you meet the person. You're like, oh, this is fun, we're together, I love you, this is great. And then, like, we get caught up in the routine of the sheds. I saw a you know those videos on Instagram the other day where somebody was talking about so that how she grew up knowing that it was her job to empty the dishwasher, clean the house, take care of the kids, do that, and she said no one ever actually told me that. She said I can't think of a time worse. And I thought to myself my God, you know what's weird. There's so many things that I know on like almost as if this is genetically designed, are my responsibility. Things like you know and again, I don't do it because I've worked hard to not do it is empty the dishwasher.
Speaker 1:Hey, that's one of them right, but in my soul, that's my responsibility. God has ordained it right and. But no one actually ever said that to me. But we could. Now, if you just think of that one example, how many other things like that do we have within us that we believe are just the way it is? But it's not the way it is. It's just the way we've convinced mission to believe that we will find happiness.
Speaker 1:And I think for so many of us we hit 40 something is generally the age that which, in the 80s, I think, was called the midlife crisis, which I think was really unfair when I look back now, because I think it was not a midlife crisis.
Speaker 1:It was people coming to the realization that they had been living for other people for so long, but they were ahead of the game because we hadn't yet reached the stage in our societal development where we were willing to talk about things like that. So instead we mock them and say, oh, you bought a sports car. But now we find ourselves in this place where and I'm curious to know about your client like how this kind of unfolds, because you mentioned earlier you're not a relationship coach, but you know it's part of it, because it's all part of the same conversation is. So now we agree, we are 40 something years old and I'm unhappy, but I've checked off all the boxes and I think there's also the other things like, as you work with your clients, what are some of the challenges that they find themselves facing and what is it typically that cost them enough? You know what I mean, so like what that makes them come to you.
Speaker 2:That's such a great question, and I want to go back to something you just mentioned, and that is this time in midlife, which is, you know, historically known as the midlife crisis. But I'm an energy worker, I'm a reiki master, and so what I know to be true is that and I'm not talking gender right now, I'm specifically talking energetics. Energetics are different in the masculine energy and in the feminine energy, right, and so if you're a person who identifies as masculine, then you usually would be more masculine, energetically heavy, right? If you identify as feminine, you usually would be more feminine energy heavy. And so the reason I say that is because, in this time in midlife, if you identify with masculine energy, you're more apt to have a midlife crisis. And what that means is what does masculine energy look like? It looks like power, control, fixing. It needs to happen right now. Those are masculine energies. On the reverse of that are feminine energies. Feminine energies are allowing their. Okay, we're just going to flow and see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Accepting, not in our hurry to fix you don't fix, you allow right. And so masculine energy is midlife crisis. Feminine energy is an awakening, an energetic beginning.
Speaker 1:So, interesting. Ah, yes.
Speaker 2:And so it's interesting because I'm talking to you and so I'm very much more aware in this moment of gender versus energetics. Yeah, yeah, and normally when I talk about this, I just say masculine energy, so men have a right like crisis women have.
Speaker 2:But I love so much what your message is and what you're bringing light to and how you're showing up in the world, because it brings awareness for all of us, right, and so I've always felt like I've been more masculine, heavy in my energy, even before I knew what that was. Yeah, I just, you know, identified, got along better with boys growing up men, but I never had words for that, yeah, and so what I love about your podcast, about who you are as a person and how you show up in the world, is that you give words to it and you give meaning to it and you make it all normal.
Speaker 1:It might be me crying right now, like that's really nice, because I struggle. I like what you talked about when you said just now, because you know, one of the things about being non-binary is that, my God, you've got your masculine energy, your feminine energy, but then you've also got your body, and then you also. There's so many like it's like honestly, I have like a whole fricking committee in my brain and every.
Speaker 2:You know.
Speaker 1:It's like, there's like eight million, and then there's also like a committee in the body, so we all get together and have like a conversation. It's an extra right. But I think, like as I and I think that for me personally, a lot of that energy flow like I can see how challenges in my life come from the masculine energy flow and the feminine energy flow I actually what it really does is it reminds me that things aren't as simple as everybody would like them to be. You know, we'd really like it to be okay man, woman, gender, sex and it but it's like okay, dude, you like to think that you're just one layer, but you're actually 6,000 layers and you're just looking at this one here, and so I think that's that's. I just wanted to thank you for that Cause, like you gave me a lot of insight in that moment and like what guys, what you actually are seeing is like me, like I was like shit, she's doing this. And I was like I'm having like a moment of like growth and realization. And like, where I'm like you're right, I totally get it. We're just going to keep this in.
Speaker 1:That's the best kind of podcast, right, where you're like where's it? Where, like you almost do like a coaching on the call. Yeah, we're going there, cause I think the hard part is for all of us to feel so weird. Right, cause, like there are so many of us that feel weird, whether you're cis or trans like, or a person of color or neurodivergent or chronically ill, like there's just a huge chunk of the population. Honestly, if I think about it, I would call them the global majority. Right, that feels weird like all the time, but like normal. Normal is this like small weird thing and I think that, like it's so tough for people like us to find happiness because our blueprint looks different. And especially, you know I actually think that you know mentioned earlier that you're an energy worker and that's an area where I know that my growth was held back in energy work for at least 10 years because of the societal stigma. You don't want to be Shirley MacLean, no one wants to be Shirley MacLean.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:She's not Scott, right? Yeah, I remember this, right. And so even now, I don't want to be Shirley MacLean, but you know what I actually do want to be?
Speaker 2:100%. And let me just tell you, yeah, and let me just set your mind at ease, right Like I've taken mediumship courses and my dad calls it my voodoo shit. Right Like I think that some people in my family want to believe what I believe, or want to believe that I can tune in to spirit, but also maybe I don't want to believe that, and you know, da, da, da. So I've literally felt weird for most of my life, for so many reasons that I can't even delve into. That's a whole nother conversation. But you know, as we're talking about this, like when I first started being introduced to energy work, I raised my hand and I was like but I'm Catholic. And she was like Pascal, put your hand down, I'm Catholic too, it's fine. And her laissez-faire attitude about it and just so matter of fact, was like okay, this is okay.
Speaker 2:And while you know, fast forward, all these years later, I still technically identify as Catholic. I was raised Catholic, all these things. There's so much of it I don't subscribe to and so many differing beliefs now. But, that said, when I go to Mass, which isn't very often anymore, I still get this feeling of being at home, and maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's the Holy Spirit, because, you know, I don't believe there's an old man in the sky, but I do believe that I can't believe that, I can't believe that I can't believe that I can't believe that I can't believe that I can believe that I can't live without you and you know that.
Speaker 2:I can't believe that. I can believe that I can. Great, yeah, great. And so there is that feeling, and maybe it's just the meditation of it all, I don't know. Just tuning in to that Right the judge, because we're all so weird that we're normal, and if you're quote, unquote normal you're pretending, because no one's normal. There's no such thing as normal.
Speaker 1:That is. That is like so the truth is, everybody's weird and everybody's hiding it, right. So I think that's actually where I kind of like at some point. So when I was at Lula row, I, you know, I their clothes are like bold as shit, right, and I wore those clothes nonstop and I think that experience in and of itself. Really, when I left, I had already kind of like I swung the pendulum so far into like the I will do whatever that it really gave me permission.
Speaker 1:Then, when I was really finding myself like who am I to? I almost think of it, almost, as you know, like you'll join, the join clicks when we're younger, like to try as we're figuring out who we are, and like I can see myself doing that over the last like several years, like okay, am I here? Am I here? Am I here? And I think that, like you said, I was like you know what my wife calls me her boldness shield.
Speaker 1:If I am weird as fuck, then people are so busy looking at my weirdness that like they're not going to notice somebody for whom just getting their nose pierced is like oh my God, like I'm so nervous, right, and it's like I will be the shield for you so you can try your weird shit and you can like test out the waters, because I don't mind being that shield. I think that I love that idea that we should all own our weirdness, because that is really I think that's where we struggle the most. I'm curious, actually, because I was just saying I think that's where we struggle the most in finding happiness. But, in your opinion, like working with people as a happiness coach, what do you think is our like generally speaking, what holds us back Like the number one holder backer of finding happiness and joy?
Speaker 2:I first of all love that very technical term, the number one holder backer. I'm totally going to write that right in all my programs and marketing. And here's the number one holder backer. I love you so much. I would say it's fear. It's fear of judgment, because even as you start to figure out and uncover, it's like you've got a ball of yarn that a cat has played with and it's all knotted up. Right, we're not a ball of yarn, you've got just a bunch of strands of yarn and they're all knotted up.
Speaker 2:And the way you figure out who you are from within and discover your true happiness, it's just to start pulling one string out at a time right, and just lay it in a straight line and then, when you're situated and comfortable with that one, pull another one and lay it next to that one right. And so when we're trying to figure all this out, it feels so great to discover something new about ourselves, or figure something out that we knew was there but we didn't understand it. But now we do. And then enter the ego. But what are other people gonna say? Right, what if I get a tattoo? What if I get my nose pierced? What if, like, I dyed my hair purple for several years in the front and I remember that being like I don't know, la la la.
Speaker 2:My husband was like pah, that's my nickname, pah. He's like pah, it's who you are, just embrace it, it's okay. And I'm like, I know, but I'm a mom, I shouldn't like, I shouldn't do that. I'm a mom, I shouldn't get my nose pierced, I'm a mom. And so there were several things like that until I finally eased my way into it and was like I can do that because it's who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also I'm a mom, right, yes, and if I'm being who I am, it gives my children permission to be who they are. It gives my husband permission, it gives you permission, it gives my friends permission, it gives my clients permission and I don't have to walk around wearing horns. But if I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced, you make it safe to do that because you have walked around wearing horns, like there's no judgment. You can be who you are, and so that allows me to be who I am. It's like the ripple we always say. It's so cliche to say when you do one good thing, it ripples out and it affects it. But it's so true, it's so true.
Speaker 1:Right, it absolutely does. Oh, my God, so much that. And you know what? I totally. I remember when I had the pink streak in my hair when I first I worked at the Beth Israel years and years ago, and I was like no colored hair at the time and I did a pink streak down. I had a long brown hair, so I did a pink streak there. Oh, so bold. I was so bold, so bold. I bet you rocked it too. I totally did. I totally did when I came back. So I'm back at the BI now and it's funny because I said you do realize this is coming with me, right, like. And my boss was just great. She was like this is why we're hiring you forever. And I'm like, thank you, because I'm not dying this brown Like, and there's only wrong with brown. I just feel like my hair grows blue. It's not you, it's not me Exactly.
Speaker 2:I have a question for you before we go on. I know this is your podcast, not mine, but this is totally let's do whatever. Yeah, let's do whatever. This is why I love you so much. My question for you is is there a point where it starts to be just doing things because they're different, or do you only do things because you feel them? Like I only dye my hair because I feel that that's the color of my hair, or do you do wild and crazy things just because they're wild and crazy?
Speaker 1:I never do wild and crazy things. Oh my god, I'm terrified of doing wild and crazy things. So, like, if there's something that you define as wild and crazy, I'm like are you crazy? I'm not doing that, I only do things that come from within. And then I and then I'll always say the typically what will happen is I'll ask Alex and I'll be like is this, can I do this? And she'll be like you can do anything you want. You're Vanessa, and I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1:So it looks like I'm bold on the outside, but really, like I'll tell you, I sometimes I cry in bed because I'm like who's my boldness shield, right? The truth is, is I don't? It's like it's an inner drive, it's coming from somewhere else, so like it's there. I don't often feel like there's a. I have a choice, but the choice would be for me to feel bad because I'm not, because I'm pulling something back. It's almost like trying to hold back a damn yeah so, yeah, so, no it's. I do things turn out to be crazy and weird, but like, that's not, it just, that's just how it happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it and thank you for your transparency and your vulnerability, which obviously I know is what your podcast is all about. But you know still, and so, first of all, I just want to say I will be your boldness shield, because I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding. You feel free to text me, call me, email me, whatever you do, at any time of the day or night, and as soon as I see it, I will be like you're Vanessa, damn it, and you've totally got this right.
Speaker 1:You were so sweet. Thank you so much. My God, you're making me crap on my own podcast.
Speaker 2:I need to meet Alex first of all.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. Oh, alex is coming. Are you coming to the event at the Allerton house for the South Shore Women's Business Network? It's tomorrow, so maybe last minute, but I mean she's going to be coming to the conference, so you'll meet her there. Yes, I'm really excited because she's our first time. She's like it's the first. She came out last year as trans and so now that there's space, now there's spaces, I was in that she now is interested in exploring. But these are spaces where I've not been in or met trans people in that space. So it's a really exciting time right now, I think, where we're like. So I'm really psyched about it and you will meet her. You'll love her.
Speaker 2:She's great, that's wicked fun, and can I just share with you that I went to my first drag show two weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I saw your cousin. Was your cousin Taylor Swift? Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:I saw it, I was like I was actually going to come in and be like, oh my god, you're with Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2:I know I was with my cousin from London and I had never. I knew that my cousin did drag shows, I knew whatever, but I'd never been. And my cousin from London was like let's see if there's an event while I'm here, and I'm like, yup, let's go. So we went into Philly and it was a brunch show. So it was pretty tame, very different than, I'm sure, the 1 AM show. But I was looking through my iPhone camera and I was like I swear to God, I'm looking at Taylor Swift Like no, it's amazing, her makeup was on point.
Speaker 2:I'm like that is artistic creation right there. And it just kind of happened by accident, like I think she said one time she tried on a wig and was like I kind of like this, let's go to the next step, kind of like this, let me see what makeup look. You know what I mean. And it just all felt good and I don't know what I expected. But I think that's the issue, right? Is that when we're confronted with something we don't understand or is new, there comes fear with that, and maybe not fear like I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt, but just fear of the unknown, like I don't know what to expect.
Speaker 2:And so maybe I just won't look at that, right? Yeah, so maybe that's the message is when you find yourself confronted with something new or different, look at it extra hard. When you're starting to say, like maybe I just won't look at that because I don't know what to expect, because you might be or you probably will be very pleasantly surprised, like we had the best time and it felt so good to acknowledge her when she was Electra Manchez and Taylor Swift, and it felt so good to acknowledge him after he was changed and back into his street clothes and then I got to hug him, so it was just such an amazing experience.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I love that so much and I can't say enough about that, because it's like, I think, that we're entering into such a strange time, right when trans people are now more visible than before, and I think there's a lot of people who just have no exposure to trans or no known exposure to trans people, right, and so I think that, like part of like the next, you know call it awakening, but I feel like that's.
Speaker 1:It's almost like we are going through an awakening where people who were previously in the shadows are not able to sort of come out, and it's not just trans people, you know, chronically ill people are making their voices heard, people of color are making their voices heard. I was thinking and you know, as an energy healer, you're probably way more in tune to this conversation than I am but every energy worker that I speak with talks about the great awakening that we're going through right now, that there's a world, there's a universal transition that's happening, you know, and that what we're seeing is more of a, it's like an earthly manifestation of it, you know.
Speaker 1:So I'm feeling very optimistic and hopeful about, you know, the next several decades as we kind of evolve through this phase and I'm just so excited that when I saw the pictures I was like, oh God, how fun, I wanna go. My wife and I are going to Provincetown in August and that's the weekend there. Oh, so fun. I love Provincetown. She is so popular there. Like every time we go to Provincetown, like I can wear my horns, it doesn't matter what I do. I am like chocolate. Nobody pays any attention to me, Everybody is, and I'm just all there for it. I'm like this is great. I want you to be on stage, you be the person Like it's fabulous to like have nobody. I mean, usually people do tend to notice me because I'm like Provincetown. No one notices me and I fucking love it.
Speaker 2:Yep, it's amazing, and that's the energy. For anybody who's never been to Provincetown, massachusetts, at the tip of old Cape Cod, it has to be, in my opinion, the best energetic space in the whole country, because there's no judgment, there's no fear, it's all love. And what are we doing here if it's not to love, to be love, to give love, to receive love, to share love, like Provincetown, is love, it's the best.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, you know I've been so many clips out of this podcast. I'm just letting you know, like you say so much great shit Like, oh, that'll be a good clip and that'll be a good clip.
Speaker 1:It's fabulous. I'm loving it, just because, like you know, this is so I'm starting a new feature in the podcast called my self-sort features. I like my self-sort specials. Sherri Damon on the podcast a few weeks ago and she talked about that's actually gonna be published later, but she talked about environment being a key element to finding happiness, and you just now talked about Provincetown being like this energetic, happy space. So I'm curious. I'd actually like to hear because, like you've done so much work on healing and moving from a difficult space to a new space, like, obviously, your life.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things that I was very disappointed to discover is that once you heal, you don't just stay healed. Now, shit still happens, and I was like what the fuck? Like I still feel the same things when someone says something. So, and then, of course, I have to respond in sort, you know there's a whole process. So I wanna hear from you right, like, how do you deal with that now, now that you have your tools, when you find yourself in a position where you're challenged, like emotionally, in a space where you're like, oh my God, I don't feel safe or I feel anxious or scared or what, where, like shit, how do you deal with that and like move yourself to a healthy space?
Speaker 2:My first go-to tool is my breath, because the goal is always to respond and not to react. And so when you feel triggered, first of all, if you feel triggered, you really should look inside of yourself, because there's something going on in there with you that makes you feel triggered by someone else. Right, that's just a little aside. But when you feel triggered, when you feel scared, when you feel attacked and I don't mean physically attacked, but my first go-to take a nice deep breath. Yeah, and so I just watched you do that and what that did is it not only gave some space in time, but it gave some energetic space. And so if I was like Vanessa, na na, na, na na na, before you react, you take that nice deep breath, you create the space in time, you create the energetic space, and so it gives your brain that moment to go back to the new tools that you've learned, right. And so in that breath, the thought might come into your head because you've been working on this, don't react, don't say a word until you have a response, right, and so that breath and creating space A number one, it's my best tip. Mic Drop works for so many things. Tool that said, p-town is love. It is amazingness, it is all feel good things.
Speaker 2:Everybody doesn't have the luxury of healthcare so they can go to therapy. Everybody doesn't have the luxury to be able to pay for a life coach. Everybody doesn't have the luxury of not working two and three jobs to keep the lights on right, and so happiness looks very different and the process to happiness looks very different, and the road is very long compared to someone like me who has pretty good health insurance, right, and so that's just one little piece of it you know to chip away at. But happiness looks different for every person. The process is different for every person. I've got a framework that I can follow with every client, but once you and I get into it and we start talking, there's no straight road. It bobs and weaves and turns and circles and goes up and down, and you know because you're different than Mary Jane, who's very different than Teresa Sue you know what he means. So everybody's road is different.
Speaker 1:You know it's actually so interesting. You know I've been reflecting a lot about you know, so I have a lot of courses that I used to sell and I actually am taking them. I took them all down and I'm putting them all on YouTube for free and just being like, here you go there and take it. You know, and I started to really think about why, like, because I never really actively sold them, even though the content was like super great and there was something that was holding me back about it and what and I sold a lot, though, of my courses where I was involved in guiding people, and I think what I've heard you say right now is this is so powerful and so important is why I want to stress on it is that so many of us go into coaching, training, teaching as students, right, Not as actual coaches, right, when we're going and looking for help, but we feel like the framework that you hand me here you go, Manasseh, here's your framework. Okay, great, thank you. I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna check off the boxes the same way I checked off all those other boxes, and then then I'll be happy.
Speaker 1:But what you've described and what I realized which is why I put it up there for free because I was like I don't know that I should charge people for this when I feel like there is that next component that is necessary, which is you and I sitting talking together, because we are so unique in terms of how we are built on the inside that you literally have to be able to adapt and flow.
Speaker 1:Or the person who buys the product self lead has to be aware enough self aware, and there are definitely people like that who are self aware enough, who can micro adjust on their own and recognize that what it is that they're trying to do is fit. It's almost like Play-Doh and you're trying to fit the Play-Doh on top of the thing so that it all molds in nicely, as opposed to saying, okay, this is like this hard blueprint and that's what we're doing. So what if I heard you? It sounds like breath is a good start, but if you really want to be able to move to like that next where you're responding, it does require work on that inner thing, whatever that is, and that typically that's what you help people figure out is okay, what is that thing and what is the tool that you need to like put in there? That kind of. Is that how we're talking about it?
Speaker 2:That's exactly how we're talking about it, and I loved your analogy of the Play-Doh pressing it into the mold, right, because that's such a great analogy for how we've been living up to this point. And to go back to what you said about everyone who's an energy worker has been telling you and has this agreement that, yes, the collective unconscious is, the vibration is raising, and it's so true, and so many things are lining up very differently, which is amazing. But also what's happening is it's also awakening this place inside of us where we're like, hmm, that's not enough for me anymore. Hmm, what used to fit doesn't feel like it fits anymore, what I used to enjoy. Maybe I don't enjoy that or maybe, but I don't know where to go now. What do I do now If I don't like that? Now, what's wrong with me? Yes, there's nothing wrong with you. You just it's time for self discovery, it's time for exploration, it's time to take the courses, it's time to work with a professional right If you can't self guide and you know kind of tune into what's the next logical thing. And so energy work is so great for that, because one thing that's very important, that I do for myself I've taught my kids, I teach my clients how does it feel in your body, because your body is never going to lead you astray, right? So if you have a decision to make, I don't know, do I take the job, do I not take the job, right? That's pretty basic and straightforward. There's great reasons to take it. There's great reasons not to. I can't make a decision.
Speaker 2:So you take a deep breath and you blow it out and center yourself and you say out loud I'm taking the job. And then you just notice, notice what shows up in your body. Where do you feel it? How does it feel? Is your mind now racing and you feel panicked? Does it feel like a relief? Do you feel excited? Do you feel you know? So you notice all that. All right, you've noticed it, you've made note of it.
Speaker 2:Take another deep breath, blow it out, center yourself again. I'm not taking the job. How does that show up in your body? Right? Maybe now you feel nervous and scared. Maybe you feel disappointed. Maybe you feel relieved, maybe you feel excited. But nervous and excited Feel the same in your body. And so it's getting to know your body and you can test yourself with little decisions, like I'm going to get an ice cream tonight? How does that feel in your body when you say it out loud or I'm not going to and that way you can tune into your body and start to know what feels good and what is nervous and what is excited and how to know the difference. So I don't even know where we started with this question and conversation.
Speaker 1:It's like it's been going like I it was. The question was actually Verso. Okay, it doesn't matter where we started, because I have you. You talked about something that I really I want it and I realized, oh my God, we've already been talking for almost an hour, so I do it.
Speaker 1:So I'm like oh my God, we got to wrap up like to see this. So much fun we're having. But I can't wrap up without telling you this story because you opened up the segway so perfectly. I would hate for you to not hear the story. Okay, so, so excited for this. Oh, you do know how excited you should be. I've actually made people like P either pants with the story. So muscle testing, right, that you're talking about is getting you know, learning how your body responds to things. Guys, you can look it up online for muscle testing. There's many different ways to learn how to do it. I had a practitioner teach me about five years, three years ago, we started to talk about it and she taught me how to. So it's like what does your body do for a yes? What does your body do for a no? So it took me a while to figure this out. But first, my yes is like a little mini or yes. So it's almost like my badge kind of tightens up and shoots up through my body, right. So that's a yes.
Speaker 2:I want that. Yes, I would ask myself yes questions all the time. Can I just say that carry on.
Speaker 1:No, wait till you hear my no. It's so bad You're not going to. The no is so bad. Okay, I'm going to give so much to my listeners, to you I'm going to give. You guys are going to know intimate details about me. So I have an anal fissure which is really fucking painful and it healed ages ago. But it comes and goes, whatever, but since it did Okay, so this is about five years ago. It was created through stress and whatnot. Now, if the answer is a no, see what it says, all right, awesome, peter, senior fromket firefighter. I've only seen bits and pieces of it.
Speaker 1:Okay so I'm not going to go there then. So, but it's like when something bad is happening, my ass kind of just like opens up like this and the pain that shoots through my buckle is like so much agony, magic asshole. And I tell you the other ones. Last year we were on our way to Provincetown and we're driving and my asshole starts to hurt and I'm like I don't know my ass is hurting so bad right now and I was like I need to tell Alex to pull over. And then I was like why is my asshole hurting? And then Alex starts to pull over. I was like why is she pulling over? I was like I didn't even tell her there was a cop behind us. My asshole had picked up on the fact that there was a cop and she said your magic asshole was probably picking up on the cop and my anxiety. So, guys, your muscle testing may not feel the way you think it's going to feel. It's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. So can I just tell you that with my second and then my third pregnancy, almost all my labor was in my body and like I couldn't even sit down, it was literally just so awful. And so, as you're saying that, I'm like no.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2:Oh honey, poor thing. Interesting to me that and this will be a topic for another conversation, but I'm just going to throw it out there because I can't not. Interesting to me that both your yes and your no are in the same region, and so your root chakra is your safety and your security.
Speaker 1:That it's so funny. You should say that because, like, I know that there's something there. I'm grown, I still have education. So maybe guys so you're just watching the birth of a conversation like, hey, maybe we should get together, have a conversation about my magic asshole and my badge and look at this.
Speaker 2:I love it. Not a conversation I expected to have over coffee this morning, and yet I'm on the phone. Anytime I hear you speak or speak with you, it's magic, and so if this is magic, then I'm here for it. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:I love it. It's so wonderful. Okay, guys, I know that you all want to hear more from Pascal, you want to learn more, so tell us, where can we find you?
Speaker 2:I love you so much and thank you for asking. So my business is called Women Finding Clarity womenfindingclaritycom, and I have my own podcast called the Happiness Workshop podcast, and I 100% am inviting you right now to be on my podcast so we can continue this conversation because, like I said, you're magic.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, so are you. I really do feel like this conversation was like and we started it and I knew that, look, the podcast started the second we started I was like this is just gotta go. I'm so thrilled that we had this opportunity finally and we knew it would be great. I'm looking forward to our podcast together. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. State Postgallals fabulous.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me ца.
